Shepard's Path
by katamuro11
Summary: My retelling of the Shepard's journey, starts at the end of ME1, continuing through ME2 and hopefully ME3 up to the conclusion and beyond. This is mostly Shepard's private thoughts and moments along with several other key characters, most of the game's action will be left in the games. I would really appreciate if you leave some feedback.
1. Chapter 1

_**Around chapter 11 I lost where I was going with the story. I decided to try again and here is the first six chapters plus the intermission with fixed spelling and style mistakes and a few words added here and there. I also forgot to write a chapter on Tali's recruitment mission so I am going to do that next before I publish chapters 8-11. Wish me luck. **_

Shepard could not remember his dreams, or nightmares, but he knew what they were, the racial memories of protheans burned into his brain by the damned beacon. And why did his mouth feel like he has been chewing on an old carpet?

The worst part was that alongside the memories of prothean genocide his own were mixing in with all of that, the hellish fight on Elysium. He had saved the people last time, not without a lot of sacrifices but the thousands of civilians that were saved by the sacrifice of the people under his command was worthwhile, at least that is what both the logic and his duty said but it still did not make the loss of those he could not save any easier. In his dreams he saw Elysium again, this time as Reapers massacred all of them.

The Council and Alliance did nothing, well at least Anderson believed him mostly but even he sometimes let the doubts in his mind slip into his expression as he looked at Shepard.

After all who knows what the beacon actually did, it might have driven him delusional or worse, Shepard himself even wished sometimes that all this talk of Reapers was just something crazy born out of his own wild imagination spurned by the beacon.

The truth however was far less comforting, Shepard knew that Reapers were coming, he knew that they would kill millions, billions and he could do nothing to stop it. Not now and not without some serious help from the Alliance and the other council races.

Shepard felt the early stages of a headache, born out of frustration over his current orders. Both from Alliance brass and Council. After all that he had done over the past several months it felt like a fresh slap in the face, not enough to actually be painful, just enough to bring out the anger and indignation.

Stopping Saren and killing Sovereign was indeed a great victory but it seemed that everyone else was willing to simply ignore the fact that Sovereign was clearly not a geth ship. There were of course similarities, the rounded lines of the ship could be seen as something geth in origin but the tech was far too advanced.

Unclamping his jaw with an effort he rose to his feet, he was not going to get any rest so might as well get some work done. At least it was a short trip from his quarters to the mess.

As he rounded the corner he saw Ashley Williams sitting by the table, a steaming cup of what he suspected was coffee in front of her and she had all of her attention turned to the datapad on the table.

Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was a good soldier, good friend, someone that he could trust to watch his back and trust his judgment. He knew that she had forced herself to change, to accept their non-human crew members, despite her earlier hostility towards anyone non-human. She had her reasons of course and some of the points she had brought up were quite valid but Shepard knew that it would still be better to stand together than to hang alone as the old saying goes. He also knew that she had changed only because she wanted him to like her. Maybe even love her. He wasn't sure what his own feelings were, he definitely cared for her deeply but he knew that would not be enough for her. While on the mission to stop Saren it all seemed so perfectly clear, finish the mission and then you can relax somewhere nice and sunny with her. Now that it was done the real world intruded. Ashley had already been having hard time in service because of her family, what would her fellow marines think now that she got involved not just with her commanding officer but also with the first human spectre, would they think that her promotion that was already on the way was because of that and not merit? And while rules about fraternization in Alliance marines were vague enough especially since his own status as a Council Spectre placed him outside of the chain of command he knew many who would frown upon their relationship. He had been thinking about this for a while and he still could not see a way out without hurting her or her career.

Shepard went to the coffee dispenser and finding his own special blend waited until the machine was done preparing it.

Ashley hearing the noise looked up.

"Hey Commander." she called to him, even now she called him either by rank or by surname as if calling him by his first name would have been some kind of step over the line too far.

"Ashley, still working?" he gestured towards the datapad

"Oh this, no, just writing to my sisters." she answered and grabbing her own cup walked over to him, stopping close enough so that he could smell her soap, she didn't use standard Alliance shower gel, instead she always seemed to have an old-style bar of soap, and he had to admit that it did smell better and he had felt cleaner after they shared a shower one time.

"Shepard, what's going on?" she asked worry lines creasing the corners of her eyes and mouth.

"Nothing, just tired." he said, telling her at least half the truth was better than nothing.

"That is not what I meant," she hesitated before continuing "you have been visiting Dr T'Soni more lately."

He knew of course what she was thinking, same thing that she had thought at the start, that he was attracted to Liara and now with their relationship straining she probably thought that he was seeing Liara on the side. It was of course his fault, after all he had been going to Liara's quarters and spending hours at a time there. At first it was simply conversation, mostly him asking questions about protheans, trying to understand the images in his head, trying to put them in context. But then they mind-medled it had been quicker than going over the information in a conversation, there were far too much information and concepts to pass on through conversation dozens of years of study by Liara, far too much cultural bias between asari and humans to explain. Some concepts rested too heavily on the asari way of thinking, asari culture.

"I have been using her knowledge to understand this." Shepard said as he tapped his forehead

"But didn't she already pass all that after Feros?"

"That was more like a reader's digest version. She had been studying them for longer than I have been alive after all and I needed more information to make sense of it."

Ashley shocked stepped back.

"But isn't that like sex for them? You have been going to her and letting her rummage around your head?" the way Ashley had said _her_ was so full of accusation that Shepard winced despite himself.

"No, that's not it. C...Come here, let me explain" Shepard said and grabbing his mug of coffee led her to the table, remembering in time not to tell her to calm down. He knew the look on her face, he had seen it from other girls and it has never been a good idea to tell them to calm down.

"Asari mind meld can be two things, one is the one that they are known most for and that is to bridge their mind and nervous system to the mind and nervous system of their partner creating a complete joining, for a time they become one, that one is like sex, however the second one is where they attune it just enough to create a flow of information, in fact asari do it with close friends and family sharing a moment or a memory." he explained, trying to sound as detached as possible, Liara had melded with him enough times for him to understand the process, the stray memories that had leaked across also told him more about asari than anyone who wasn't dating one knew.

Asari were in fact quite similar to human women, they gave birth the same way, their "plumbing" worked similarly enough and while they could reproduce with species like elcor, hanar or volus, physical stimulation was far from unwelcome, in fact it made the whole process easier on the asari, skin to skin contact as well as the various hormones that flooded the system made it easier to create a joining.

"Plus Liara says that she can only see things in my mind that I actually focus on like the prothean message, so its been mostly her sharing her knowledge of protheans" Shepard concluded hoping that it will be enough.

"Mostly?" Ashley said still not completely ready to let it go.

"Sometimes if there is a strong memory associated with the particular bit of knowledge it leaks through, and anyway I see Liara as a sister, like a hundred year old little sister." he said

He could see that she still had doubts but she let it drop. She knew that the beacon had done more than just flash some images into his head, he had woken her enough times with his nightmares. It was one of the reasons why she was not sleeping in his quarters. Not all of them were about the Reapers. Elysium, what he had seen there and on the missions in the years after that raiding slaver bases, capturing pirate ships. She was twenty five, only four years younger but the black mark that made it hard for her to advance also had kept her safely away from things that made it hard to sleep at night. Eden Prime was the first true taste of that and she was coping quite well, taking down Saren helped as well as her occasional talks with Chakwas. And unlike him she had never ordered her people to die, Elysium and Kaidan were harsh lessons of command he wished she would not need to experience.

Ships intercom crackled and Joker's voice came through.

"We are approaching Amada system, dropping out of FTL in 15 minutes."

Shepard took Ashley's hand squeezed it reassuringly and stood up.

"Our intercom is supposed to be distortion free." Ashley said accepting that the conversation was over.

"Joker added it after the movie night, that old science fiction movie, and since its not against regs or at least any that I could find and no one seems to mind that particular alteration I decided to leave it be." Shepard said as he dropped his coffee cup into the washing rack.

"We are probably going to have to make a trip to the ground so get our gear ready, I hear Alchera is cold this time of year." he continued with a slight smile on his lips.

"Aye, Aye skipper" Ashley saluted and dropping her cup after his and hurried down into the armory.

Shepard went back to his quarters, they still felt too large, especially on a frigate but while the technical aspects of the ship were impressive it was still a prototype and most of the interior was design by committee, passageways and several of the compartments like the captains quarters were a waste of space while the crew had to do with the sleeping tubes or the various compartments squeezed in between all the shiny bits.

He sat down again, bringing up the intel on his terminal, reading through it for a tenth time and still marveling how much space a statement could take up that could have been said in one sentence. Did the intelligence types have some kind of special class in making these kinds of reports or was it some kind of defense mechanism, trying to cover their asses with paragraphs of useless intel just to make it clear that they were not sleeping on the job?

Satisfied that there was nothing remotely useful in the report he switched to the news broadcast that the ship had automatically downloaded at the last comm buoy, listening to it as he geared up in his N7 armour. There were tougher and admittedly better armor in the armory but this one was easier to move in than most and he had earned the right to wear it the hard way.

XO Pressly was doing most of the work handling the ship, Shepard while in command was not a navy officer but a marine and he was still in process of getting up to speed on how to run a ship.

As he managed to snap the last clasps into place the ship shuddered slightly as it dropped out of FTL.

Just as he was going out of his quarters the ship bucked, throwing him into the wall. Shepard managed to grab a handhold before the ship bucked again. With the alarms blaring he grabbed his helmet that was happily rolling around on the floor and put it on, heading towards the emergency beacon launch controls, right where the sleeping pods were. SSV Normandy was a good ship, an excellent ship but it was also meant mostly for stealth and scouting missions. Getting attacked right after FTL meant that they had been detected and Shepard doubted that anyone even Geth were crazy enough to attack then if they were outgunned.

Just as he managed to ready distress beacon for launch Ashley run up behind him

"Shepard!" she shouted as he sealed his helmet into place, the smoke coming from various bits of burning electronics was getting too thick to breath.

"Distress beacon is ready to launch."

"Will the alliance get here in time?"

"I am not doing this just so they can find our frozen corpses. Get everyone onto the escape pods" Shepard said as he grabbed a fire extinguisher

"Joker is still in the cockpit. He won't abandon ship. I am not leaving either."

"I need you to get the crew onto the escape pods. I'll take care of Joker" Shepard said and started walking away just as a gust of flame flared up in front of him

"Commander..." Ashley said hesitantly

"Ashley. Go. Now." he said emphasizing each word

"Aye, Aye" she replied and hurried away to help any leftover crew as Shepard brought his palm down on the holo button, jettisoning the emergency beacon.

Even though he saw the damage report on the screen, the real extent of it didn't register until Shepard picked his way through the crippled _Normandy_, fires all over the deck, overload making the capacitors explode, flinging debris right into his face, trying to shield his visor with his left hand he ascended the stairs to the upper deck where the top of the hull was just gone. The white-blue orb of Alchera, the planet they were supposed to investigate loomed above him. It seems the gravity had been disabled he noted as his mag boots activated sticking him to the deck forcing him into a slower pace as he made his way through the ruined CIC to the Joker's cockpit. The silence was worse than all those explosions, his own hard breathing and his heartbeat thundering in his ears. He had known moments like this before but this time it was worse, his own command, his ship, his people and there was nothing he could do.

"Come on Joker! We have to get out of here!"

"No! I won't abandon the Normandy! I can still save her!" Joker argued defiance in his voice

"Normandy is lost. Going down with the ship won't change that"

"Yeah, ok. Help me up" Joker relented as the beam started to cut into the hull again

Shepard grabbed Joker's arm a bit too forcefully making him exclaim in pain and helped him across the ruined deck to the nearest escape pod.

The beam hit something important throwing Shepard across the compartment but he managed to grab the wall with the escape pod controls on it. The beam was coming closer, slicing now in between the escape pod and him, the dying convulsions of the ship dislodging him again but not before he managed to hit the switch releasing the pod.

He felt himself being slammed against a bulkhead just before he was thrown clear of the ship out of the front half of the ship which had been sliced clear from the rest of the hull by the beam.

Bits and pieces of the Normandy were falling around them, the Alchera's gravity tugging at him too.

Some high velocity shrapnel had caught him in the back, slicing into the thinner lining where his suit connected to his helmet. His air was escaping and there was nothing he could do to stop it, but the suit's trauma module was not programmed for spacing it seemed, injecting every emergency drug it had in store, trying to keep him awake and alert as he plunged into the atmosphere. He could see his blood boil away into space as he felt himself growing weaker, unable to move the limbs.

He was still awake when the friction from the atmosphere heated him enough to start roasting him inside his own suit. Luckily most of the nerve endings have already died from exposure to vacuum and he was swimming in pain medication. Not that it helped him any, the dead nerve endings screamed in his brain, like hundred thousand needles being driven deep all over his body. It was then he noticed that he hasn't breathed in a while, a new agony, his lungs on fire, his whole body straining for that last bit of oxygenated blood, half of which had boiled away into space.

Mercifully that did not last long, darkness enveloping his mind, driving the pain away. Shepard felt grateful for that for a moment before the last vestiges of his consciousness faded away.


	2. Chapter 2

Shepard was sitting in his new quarters aboard the _Normandy_ _SR-2_, looking at his terminal. Two years of news were scrolling through the screen, too fast really to ready but he had stopped doing that after the first five minutes. For him it was not two years, but barely two day's since he got spaced, since the attack on the first Normandy. Waking up, the rampaging mechs on the Cerberus station, his meeting with the Illusive Man, their trip to Freedom's Progress, meeting with Tali again. He hit the ground running and it was not until he tried to sleep that it finally hit him. Or at least as much as he could understand right now.

Jacob's comments, the Miranda's project logs that he managed to listen in, his own memory of getting spaced, the date on his new omni-tool. At first he thought that it was some kind of Cerberus ploy, some kind of show put on for him so that he would join them, maybe even betray the Alliance, or use his spectre status for their ends. But after seeing Freedoms Progress, after seeing Tali and staring at footage of the memorial erected on Elysium, he knew it was all true. He had nearly died, rebuilt by Cerberus. Collectors were really abducting whole human colonies.

He needed to get some sleep, tomorrow they are going to dock at Omega, try recruit someone called Archangel and Mordin Solus, members of his new team. Another busy day and knowing his luck for "easy" missions and the reputation of Omega it was quite a bit likely that he would be shot at at least several times before the end of tomorrow.

As he lay down on the bed, more comfortable than the standard alliance one that he had aboard the first Normandy he wondered where Ash was now. Did she move on when the whole galaxy thought he was dead, did she have someone who loved her back like he was supposed to do? He was glad that Joker and Dr Chakwas were here at least. Karin Chakwas had stitched him up countless times where just the application of medigel was not enough and Joker at the helm made the whole situation approach normal. He wanted to go find a bar and forget about everything for a few days, drown out the faces of his dead friends from Elysium, forget that on his word eight Alliance cruisers were sacrificed to keep the Council safe, the same Council which later had all but called him delusional. He wanted to forget leaving Kaidan to die on Virmire. Most of all he wanted to forget the pain of getting spaced, even now he still felt his skin prickling in places as if his body could not quite let go of it.

Closing his eyes, he gritted his teeth, willing himself to calm down, think of Ashley, her face, her hair, the way she smelled after a shower, her deceptively soft skin under his fingers. Her light, her belief in the Alliance, her complete and utter sureness of what was right and wrong chasing away the shadows in his mind, making him believe too. Right now he needed to be ready, he needed to gather his team, gather resources, upgrade the Normandy so it doesn't just go down that easily and then take the fight to the Collectors. He had a mission to complete and he would not be Commander John Shepard if he let a nightmare get in the way of sleep.

And then he slept, without dreams, without nightmares, the darkness just swallowed him like it did when he got spaced and then spat him back out six hours later.

Visit to the bathroom and a quick shower created more questions than answered. Everything seemed to be in the right place but he had more muscle than before, he was slightly taller, and those orange lights coming from beneath his skin in places were far more unsettling then yesterday now that he had time to actually look at them. He did hear Jacob say something about cybernetics but he had never seen anything like this before.

Dressing quickly he took the elevator down to the CIC, with Kelly turning to him happily. She seemed to be there just waiting for him to come down, 50 kilos of happy, cheerful energy. Exchanging brief greetings he walked on, crossing the CIC bit of the deck into the cockpit where Joker sat, another nearly permanent resident of this deck.

"What is our ETA, Joker?"

"Just under an hour, maybe a bit less depending on the how strict they are with their docking regs, don't worry commander you will get plenty of time to enjoy the local sights. Kelly seems to be more excited this morning than when she got the news you are coming aboard." Joker said as he adjusted something in the flight controls, Shepard doubted that the ship needed that much adjusting especially when cruising in system but he would never intrude upon Joker's professional territory.

"Yeah, with her energy if we ever run out of eezo we can just use her instead of the drive core, probably end up going faster that way too." Shepard joked

"That is a physical impossibility Shepard, while miss Chambers does have an unusual amount of positive energy for a human being, she could not replace the drive core, even if she was a biotic and had the ability to create mass effect fields of that size it would be quite beyond the powers of any biotic to move a ship." EDI chimed in as her glowing eye orb blinked a few times

"It was a joke EDI." Joker said rolling his eyes

"Of course Mister Moreau, I will attempt to adjust my interaction subroutines to screen for humour when appropriate."

Shaking his head in amusement Shepard went to the armoury, Omega was a dangerous place and if there was one thing that being an Alliance marine had taught him was to prepare for trouble even if there was not supposed to be.

Ten hours later Shepard was standing in the Medbay where Chakwas and Miranda had just finished the three hour surgery on Garrus.

"There are some minor prosthetics involved but we fixed him up, he should have near full functionality as soon as he wakes up." said Chakwas gesturing towards the sleeping Garrus, half of his face covered in the protective medigel gauze.

"I never doubted your abilities Karin, thank you and you Miranda, I appreciate this." Shepard said and then turning toward Miranda.

"Miranda, if you have a minute there is something I would like to discuss with you."

"Of course Shepard, could you wait in my quarters while I clean up." Miranda answered as she stripped off her surgeons gown.

Shepard nodded and walked out of the medbay. Miranda's quarters were on the opposite side of the mess so he grabbed two cups of coffee on his way. Miranda was not far behind, her white suit spotless, her hair perfect, only a little reddening of her eyes told him that she was tired at all. He decided to keep it short, nothing complicated as she sat down behind her desk.

"What was it that you wanted to discuss Shepard?" Miranda said picking up her cup and nodding gratefully to Shepard.

"I know this might be not the best time to talk about this but I need to know. What was done to me? I am clearly not human any more, even with the strength enhancement that the armour grants me I should not be able to do what I did."

"It was that varren wasn't it?" Miranda sighed and taking a sip continued.

"Do not worry Shepard, you are completely human, but after your last brush with death we decided to upgrade you slightly, your bones, your skin and your muscles all have synthetic fibres woven in. It started as a way to deliver medigel and other medication to your deep tissues as we were rebuilding you but later rather than risk another operation to take them out and with some slight modifications the same conduits were reinforced giving you increased protection and increased strength. And thanks to your implanted trauma module you can also regenerate now, so you are now much harder to kill than last time."

Shepard was silent, digesting the information. He did appreciate the benefits but it still left him with a vague sense of unease. Things were done to him and he was not sure he wanted to know what exactly they were.

"Look Shepard, yes you have a few extra pieces right now, mostly cybernetic keeping you alive and healthy but we had to do it, most of technology used to bring you back was experimental and we did the best we could with simple organic regeneration but it had its limits." she said.

"I understand. I was not trying to criticise you and I am quite grateful for being alive. I was just wondering if there are any more surprises that I should know about. I don't have lasers shooting out of my eyes do I?" Shepard said turning to humour to lighten the mood

"No Shepard, I wouldn't do anything that gaudy anyway. If you want I will forward the highlights to you." she said and brought the cup to her lips again.

Shepard had to admit that Miranda was extremely attractive, probably the only reason why men and women didn't profess their love to her on daily basis was the look in her eyes. The look of detachment from the rest of the world, as if the owner was standing on a step higher looking down. Shepard knew it well enough, a lot of admirals and politicians that he had met after Elysium had a similar look, of course they hid it better but for them it was a professional necessity. Miranda simply did not care most of the time. And it was not baseless for her, from what he had seen of her so far she had plenty of reasons to feel superior, her obvious combat performance, her medical knowledge and Shepard had no doubt that she had far more talents she had not yet shown him.

"I am going to leave you to rest, I suspect that even top level Cerberus operatives require sleep."

Miranda simply nodded in reply already going through something on her terminal.

Walking out of Miranda's quarters he turned a corner to find himself walking towards the kitchen installed there. Ever since he woke up he seemed to be hungry most of the time, he grabbed some rations while Miranda and Chakwas were operating on Garrus but this time he felt that he needed something more solid. Gardner was not here but a quick look into the fridge was fruitful. There in sealed individual containers was the staple food of spacers who worked far from the usual supply chains. Reheating the container Shepard knew immediately what it was, processed vegetables and meat mixed in with nutrient paste and a few basic spices. It was basically everything that a human body needed in one meal and thanks to the nutrient paste it could be stored for a week without the need for refrigeration. Earlier human ships were much more crowded and much warmer than Normandy on a usual day so fridge space was used for luxury items which could not be frozen. Taking the reheated container up to his quarters he sat down in front of the terminal by his bed. Despite his earlier attempt at perusing the news he knew that he had to catch up to the events of the last two years properly.


	3. Chapter 3

Normandy, orbit around Omega

Miranda looked up from the screen as Shepard walked out of her quarters. For a brief moment she wondered if she needed to report this to Illusive Man, Shepard's reaction to his revival and the immediate combat situation was much calmer than she expected. Taking another sip from the cup she decided against it. After all it was only natural that Shepard would be curious as to what exactly was done to him but she also knew that she could not tell him the whole truth. She had been in charge of the project but even she barely believed that it was actually succesful. Calling up his medical file she quickly stripped out most of the specific medical jargon and summarized the modifications done to him, at least the ones that Shepard would sooner or later find out for himself, through Dr Chakwas or through Mordin Solus when they recruit him. She took another sip from her cup and smiled as she worked with one hand while holding the cup. Today's mission was not something that she or Cerberus did, most of the time her actions fell within the greyer area of the morality that most people viewed the galaxy through. Shepard was supposed to be one of them, a paragon of good judgement and a knight with a sniper rifle. But his actions during the brief conversation with Aria T'Loak, various other denizens of Omega and during their infiltration of the merc base of operations showed that he could be quite ruthless when someone stood between him and the mission objective. She was most of all surprised by the way he adapted himself to the situation, with Aria's henchmen he was rude, confrontational, asserting his own superiority the way that they would understand but with Aria he was conversational, relaxed as if she was one of his old friends. Surprisingly Aria either did not notice that or just went with it, him in full combat armour, armed to the teeth sitting on the couch with her, sipping a drink while letting the Queen of Omega talk only occasionally prompting her with a few words. It was really a sight to behold, as if instead of heavy polyalloy and ceramic armour he had been wearing the finest suit of the kind that Illusive Man favoured. Well possibly for Shepard wearing body armour was exactly that she thought taking another sip of coffee.

And taking Zaeed into a merc base seemed like a mistake, especially since a full third of them were Blue Suns but it was thanks to him that they managed to get a fully detailed plan of attack. Without it they might not have made it out. She wondered for a moment if there was a need to revise Shepard's intelligence profile, he had of course been rated quite high especially for tactics but his skill at analysing and adapting in difficult social situations suggested a side to him they had never seen.

Drinking the last of her coffee she stood up, gathering a few toiletry items so that she could take a long hot shower before going to sleep. She wished that she could have her own private bathroom but the ship designer's only did that for the captains quarters not XO's. Last time she showered there were a few other female crew members in the bathroom and it seemed that even the ones that were not interested in their own sex could not help but stare even if for a moment.

As she passed by the kitchen area she dropped her cup into the recycler and wondered how did Shepard know how she liked her coffee?

Arcturus Station, several days later

Rear Admiral Charles Baudin had been quite brief in his orders for her. 1St Lieutenant Ashley Williams(1) was to report to the MSV Niven for transport to a colony out in the Terminus systems to install some defensive weaponry as a show of Alliance support. The ship was also carrying several technicians and the cannons(2) to be installed. Her rapid promotion to Lieutenant over the past two years did make her a target for someone who still remembered that she was a Williams, especially after her involvement with Shepard surfaced. She had been prepared to hear how she had slept her way to her promotion but after Shepard died that was quite impossible to imply.

Now that there were rumours that Shepard was back and working for Cerberus. Ashley knew Shepard was dead and it was just a ploy by Cerberus to gather public support but it still stung. Well at least the Alliance was doing something about those colonies going missing, sending her and those cannons, the Council had politely refused to get involved in human matters, same as last time with the geth and even the presence of Anderson on the Council did not help.

But she knew her duty, to protect the Alliance and its citizens even if they had ran as far as possible to get away from it. Her thoughts ended as the elevator deposited her near the docking point of MSV Niven.

Her orders had said to report by 1200, and it was 1115 as she stepped out of the airlock connecting the ship to the station, waiting for her stood a middle-aged man in a standard shipboard jumpsuit which had clearly seen better days.

"Hi, I am Larry the owner of this ship. I have to say this is the first time I have seen cargo loaded this fast."

"1st Lieutenant Ashley Williams, is everyone else on board?"

"Those guys who came with the cargo? Yeah they are, they are sleeping now, they arrived in the middle of the night and have been loading since then. You are the last one I was told to expect."

"I would like to get my gear stowed." Ashley said tapping the crate that she came with, it held her armour and weapons, they were not the top of the line models that she used when she was on the Normandy but she had enough credits to buy a similar Phoenix Mark IX armour manufactured by Sirta Foundation as the fully modded Mark X she was using back then.

"Of course, let me show you the way." Larry said and gesturing for her to follow stepped deeper into the ship

"You don't have to worry about pirates on this ship, _Niven_ is armed and armoured to about the same level as the older Kestros-class frigates, but without the main cannons." Larry explained, "I served on one during the First Contact war as an ensign."

"How did you manage to arm your ship?"

"Oh, that part was easy, Alliance navy always needed someone to run secure cargo without drawing too much attention so they helped old navy dogs like me to get set up and from time to time when they need something to be delivered into Terminus they go to me." he said that as they reached a door and he unlocked it with a quick tap on the panel next to it.

"Well this is your quarters, the bathroom is shared, same as any other ship this size but you will have plenty of privacy. The trip is going to take a week even if we cut corners so get comfortable. I need to start the undocking procedures"

And with that Larry walked away leaving Ashley alone. She stepped into the room, it was large enough for a bunk bed and a small folding table with just enough floor space in between to squeeze through. Dropping her crate on the floor she closed the door and jumped on the bed. A separate room was indeed a luxury, even aboard the Normandy she was in a shared NCO berth and the Normandy was larger than any alliance frigate built before it and had been running with a smaller crew. Tapping a command into her omni-tool she opened the email client and started dictating a message to her family. Ashley did it now every time she was heading out for an assignment, she had regretted that last conversation with Shepard and so every time she was heading into a situation she might not come back she recorded all those things she wished to say, to be delivered to her family if she did not return.

Illium, Nos Astra, Trade District

Liara T'Soni was reviewing the report that one of the contacts on Omega had forwarded earlier in the day. It briefly described Shepard's meeting with Aria and his rescue of Archangel, the infamous turian vigilante on Omega. She had suspected it was Garrus, it just seemed like something he would do but he was quite careful to maintain his real identity a secret. At the end of the report there were several image files embedded, showing Shepard, Miranda Lawson and an unknown human male. She had given Shepard's body to Cerberus, to Miranda Lawson but seeing him, even on a terminal screen brought back the memories she fought hard to suppress. The time in her life when she felt happy, needed and useful. When she felt that decades of study on protheans were worth it even if quite a bit of it was wrong. When she had briefly returned to Thessia to publish a treatise on Reaper role in the fall of the prothean civilization she was met with the scorn and dismissal from her academic peers.

She also felt a pang of her old infatuation with Shepard, her initial interest in the prothean message had become something more as she learned more about humans and Shepard. And the times when she melded with Shepard in order to pass information, it felt far more satisfying than melding with her own people. Shepard's mind was resistant to melding but somehow that made it so much more rewarding as she shared her knowledge with him. She remembered the disappointment she felt when it become clear that he was more interested in Ashley, but she could not blame him, after all she was human like him. She did wonder if she could even join with Shepard, if his normally resistant mind could actually form a bond strong enough to create a complete joining. Maybe not without some prolong physical stimulation at least. At that thought Liara blushed and closed the report. She did not have time to entertain thoughts of that nature right now, she had a job to do and every minute she wasted meant Feron was spending a minute more in captivity, or getting tortured. She did not think that Shadow Broker was a forgiving person whatever species she or he belonged to.

Normandy SR-2, docked to Omega

Shepard had just finished taking a decon shower after he, Miranda and Jacob went into the plague sector after Mordin Solus. He had to admit as first impressions go he liked the salarian. He was obviously smarter than anyone else on board, including EDI, at least for the moment and his self-assured pragmatism made it quite clear that he would do and go far to get the mission done.

He had also enjoyed the quiet non-verbal duel that Miranda had with Aria after he visited her the second time, doing that little job for Patriarch's sake was worth it. Both Aria and Miranda had the same air of superiority but even a cursory glance at Aria could tell you that she enjoyed the violence caused by her or because of her. She was a predator, sharp and dangerous, ready to bite into your neck if you threatened her. Miranda while capable of similar level of violence did not enjoy it, even in combat against the Blue Suns and vorcha earlier today she obviously lacked that response so clearly present in soldiers like Jacob and him, that combat high you get after a firefight, the satisfaction of a well placed shot.

Shepard liked that, unlike Jacob and the rest of the crew she was high in Cerberus rank and so far the only Cerberus he had met were some of the worst examples humanity could offer. She was different and that meant a lot.

_1) I am not sure if they stated her rank in ME2 but I took a look at the official rank chart and thought that it would be more natural if she got promoted gradually than just in one go to the rank she had in ME3_

_2)Both the cutscene that was shown to us and the premise that the colony was getting GARDIAN lasers seems to me a bit weird. After all a laser would need more power, it wouldnt shoot like it did in ME2 and considering the atmospheric interference it would make more sense for them to be just normal mass accelerator cannons. _


	4. Chapter 4

Ashley's words rung hollow in his mind all the way up on the shuttle ride up to the Normandy. He was not sure if he had loved her but he had cared for her and to see her accusing him of treason, accusing him of betraying her. It hurt. He tried reasoning with her, he tried explaining but she had refused to listen. Grunt just stood there listening, not grasping the situation, but then what can you expect from a tube-grown krogan with only memory imprints. He had fought the Collectors as most krogans do, shotgun in hand, running and trampling husks. Made it easier for Shepard and Mordin to focus on taking out the collectors, Shepard hefting the trusty M-92 Mantis rifle taking headshots, Mordin using his impressive tech skills to soften them up or finish them if Shepard's sniper fire was not enough.

They managed to fight through a horde of collectors and husks, kill that giant flying bug creature that spit particle beams out of its eyes, saved the colonists that were still there and then Ashley came out and twisted the knife. The knife that was there ever since his brief meeting with the Council and Anderson ended in general distrust all around, Anderson still believed him but he could see the doubt in the way he spoke, after all Cerberus was regarded as a terrorist organization. As if getting spaced, losing two years, getting rebuilt and woking up in the middle of a firefight was not enough.

Mordin was impressively quiet all the way up, he must have picked up enough of human social interaction to understand that Shepard needed some time in silence. He was grateful for that, he had spent enough time with Mordin to know that he would have been going on about how his actual combat performance against Collectors and the armour mod he designed to defend against the swarms worked and how he could improve both.

On board the ground team scattered, Jack, bless her psychotic shaved head was in the elevator when Shepard stepped in, instead of taking up as much space as a krogan as she usually did, she squeezed into a corner and waited patiently until the elevator opened on Deck 1 where Shepard's quarters were and took it down again as he stepped out.

In his quarters he unclipped and put the weapons on the table, then started to take the armour off. Getting about half way through he gave up and sat down staring at the picture of Ashely in the holo-frame that stood on the table.

Up until now the presence of Garrus, Joker, Chakwas made it seem like this was just a continuation of the mission he had set out after the destruction of Sovereign. All the Cerberus personnel were mostly ex-alliance or career spacers. Despite the craziness of the past few weeks it felt more or less normal, he had even managed to sleep better without the prothean beacon induced nightmares and visions.

Getting Jack out of that prison ship, getting Grunt out of that garbage dump of a planet, they felt like good missions. Worthy missions, things he would have done in the Alliance if it hadn't had its collective head stuck in its own collective ass. Mercenaries in Terminus systems were usually just organized crime syndicates and despite what some of them later claimed quite a few merc bands were working together with the slavers in their attack on Elysium. So getting through a few dozen of them was doing the galaxy a favour. The heist that turned into a full blown combat mission against Donovan Hock was even fun in its own way, he could understand the way Kasumi revelled in her ability to break into unbreakable vaults and get away, and Hock was a grade-A scumbag so killing him was just another favour to the galaxy.

Ashley managed to make it feel like he was like Donovan Hock, running around the galaxy, killing people for no other reason apart from that they were in his way. He remembered that batarian working on the gunship, what was his name? Kafka? No, that was a 20th century writer on Earth. Katka? Cathka? Yes that's sergeant Cathka. He didn't like batarians very much, they were slavers and that was one of the worst things you could do to a sentient being. But still, he just stabbed the guy with that arc welder in the back and watched as he thrashed around on the floor until he died. He did not feel remorse for doing it, he still thought it was justified but seeing Ashley had reminded him that not all things that are justifiable are just. He had to remember that for later. But for now he needed a drink. A few of the husks got close enough to hit him and even through armour he could feel the welts in those areas. So for now he is going to go down to Kasumi's quarters, get something as high in alcohol as possible and down it until the pain, both physical and emotional turned into a dull throb to be examined and attended to later.

Shepard stood up, peeled the rest of the armour off and after a quick shower went down to deck three.

Miranda was watching the footage taken by the Grunt's suit camera, the conversation between Shepard and Ashley Williams. She could not help but feel contempt for the naive and obviously hurt woman. She knew of course of the relationship between Shepard and Williams on the first Normandy, what the intel reports did not mention was that it was obviously more than a physical one. She could see the mix of grief, hurt and imagined betrayal in the eyes of the young woman, she had probably loved Shepard but her loyalty to Alliance and the still unresolved grief over the loss of him had clouded her judgement. What had surprised her was how Shepard had reacted. Instead of his usual, nearly superhuman ability to talk down and reason with everyone from looters to just awoken krogan supersoldiers she saw Shepard back down. She saw him take the accusations and walk away. Despite herself Miranda had come to see Shepard as the hero that the reports made him out to be and his actions for the past several weeks made it even harder for her to accept that despite all the things he has done, despite the ease that seemed to accompany most of his accomplishments he was still human. She had watched the combat recording of him and Kasumi taking down a gunship with nothing more than a sniper rifle and some fancy acrobatics, she had seen him strolling around the battlefield absolutely calm as if he was on Presidium and not getting shot at by a dozen vorcha.

Miranda was glad she hadn't been there, listening to that woman. She would have probably slapped her with a biotic wave and that would have made things even more awkward. Sighing Miranda started typing a report on the incident to Illusive Man.

"Operative Lawson, there is an issue requiring your attention." EDI said as the blue orb appeared on the far side of the room by the door.

"What is it EDI?"

"Commander Shepard has passed the recorded safe limits of alcohol consumed for a human of his size and weight. Being seen by crew members in such a condition would lower crew moral by up to ten percent. I have currently locked the door to prevent that from occurring."

"Thank you EDI, I will be right there." Miranda replied and quickly headed there.

Shepard was still sitting by the bar, several empty bottles neatly in a row in front of him and a half-empty one in his hand. From the label it was a rather expensive asari berry whiskey. The other bottles ranged from the excellent real russian vodka to batarian rum.

"Commander?"

"Yes Miranda?" he replied without turning.

"I think that's enough for now."

"Did you know that the only way for me to stay drunk is to drink without stopping?" he poured another glass and drank it one go

"We had to increase the efficiency of your liver to cope with the cybernetics." she replied as she stopped next to Shepard and put her hand on his shoulder, "come with me commander, the crew should not see you like this."

"Yeah you are right." Shepard replied and tried to stand up but staggered making Miranda support him as she led him to the elevator.

The few seconds it took for the elevator to stop at Deck 1 they were silent but as Shepard walked out he motioned for Miranda to follow.

Sitting down on the couch by his bed he dug out a bottle from under the little coffee table in front of the couch and offered it to Miranda. Miranda not for the first time was reminded how Alliance military personnel seem to have a knack for hiding stashes of alcohol pretty much everywhere.

"Commander I think you really should stop now." he looked at her contemplating her words and then sighing put it back.

"You are right again." he relaxed into the couch closing his eyes and throwing his head against the back of the couch "I wonder if I even get hangovers now?"

"Let me get you some water." Miranda walked over the small fridge hidden behind the panel and taking out a bottle of water put it in Shepard's hand. He nodded gratefully unscrewing the cap and drank greedily downing half the bottle in one go.

"I thought that if I got drunk I could get at least feel something else apart from disappointment. What she said was hard but it was harder to realize that I don't feel what I felt for her before. Ever since you brought me back it felt like there is a piece of me missing, the nightmares given to me by the beacon are still there, the memories of getting spaced are there, oh there are some little things I don't remember but everything important is still here." Shepard said tapping his forehead

"I was never the believer that Ash was, I still don't think that there is a God like she believes but I can't help but think that you brought me back, body and mind but a part of me is gone. I don't know if I am even human any more. Maybe I am like those husks."

"Shepard, no one has experienced what you have experienced, no one in the galaxy has ever seen what you have seen and walked away the same as before. No one, even you can expect to remain unchanged living through what you have. I realize now that even Illusive Man and me, we all saw the reports, the things you did and we never saw past them. To most people you are Commander Shepard, the hero with a big H, the first human spectre, saviour of countless lives. You have done the impossible time and time again, your personal file reads like fiction and everyone including Williams forgot that you are actually human." Miranda said sitting down next to Shepard and putting her hand on his shoulder, she was not sure what to do next but when Shepard did not say anything she continued.

"I have told you that I was extensively genetically modified, my biotics, my intellect even my looks they are all at the top of the scale but people look at me and still see another human, looking at you they see an icon, larger than life. You can never be less than human because you are already more than that, to Alliance, to the galaxy, to the crew,"she hesitated a moment, "to me."

"Thank you." Shepard put his hand over Miranda's and squeezed softly then stood and turned towards the bed, "I think I need some sleep now."

"Of course Shepard, I'll be in my quarters." she replied flustered slightly and quickly went to the door. Outside in the elevator she thought that it was so strange, so unusual for someone to confide like that in her and she admitted to herself for her to actually think of someone else's feelings when she talked to them. And why did the thought of Shepard in bed make her so apprehensive? She did not have answers yet and there was nothing to do until she arrived at them so she put it out of her mind.

Back in her quarters she sat down in front of her terminal to continue work she was doing before but a blinking icon of a new priority message caught her attention. Opening it she froze for a second before starting to type furiously into the keyboard. Her father had discovered Oriana and it would be only days before he gets his hands on her, she could not allow that. A few minutes went by, Miranda bringing up all the known Cerberus agents on Illium, all her contacts but the list was painfully short and far too inadequate to provide more than simple travel arrangements. If she knew her father, and she did, her father would contract the job to a merc group, someone he had probably invested in or had contacts. And since its Illium that means they would be Eclipse, or possibly one of dozen Eclipse offshoots that sprang up periodically. She needed someone capable of taking down a few mercs if it came to that and probably someone who wouldn't sell the information about her and her sister the minute they get paid. As she run down another list of possibilities she had already realized that really there is only one option. Sending a message to Kelly Chambers she started making preparations and sending them to her contact on Illium. It would be expensive but she hasn't used the money Cerberus has paid her over the years much anyway.

6 hours later.

It was good news for Shepard in the morning, he did not actually get hangovers. Whatever modifications they did worked in his favour this time. Thinking back to yesterday he cringed, he should have handled it better, getting drunk and forcing his problems on Miranda was not how commanding officers behave, it is not how N7 soldiers behave either. Remembering her last words before he went to sleep he felt something tugging in his chest. It's true Miranda is one of the most beautiful women he has seen in his life, but she is also smarter than him and quite likely not interested anyway. Jacob had shut down pretty fast when Shepard had asked what previous history the two of them had which implied something quite personal but from what he has observed it was over, at least from Miranda's side, she was as professionally cool with Jacob as with anyone else on the team.

Pushing the thoughts out he checked the message log on his terminal and saw the next several dossiers there. It seemed Illium was the place to be next. They were cooling their heels around a gas giant in Boltzman after taking on some supplies on Bekenstein. Walking out of the elevator he was greeted by perpetually cheerful Kelly.

"Commander, Operative Lawson would like to talk to you in her quarters."

"Thank you Kelly." Shepard said and turned around heading back into the elevator.

Ten minutes later Normandy was on its way to the nearest Mass Relay.


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard ducked behind cover just as a sphere of biotic energy exploded where he had stood just a second before. Enyala was a powerful biotic and unlike most was using her shotgun exclusively and has invested into top of the line armour. Maybe her father was a krogan, or a batarian considering her temper. Reloading his sniper rifle Shepard wished that when they had converted the weapons for heatsink use they would have gone for a bigger heatsink reserve. One shot per heatsink was a bit wasteful, though he did like the power of the rifle, it kicked like a mule but one shot would take down most personal kinetic barriers. It did not help that there were other mercs shooting at them at this moment. Letting his shields recharge fully he popped back up, sighted a salarian sentinel judging by the glow of the tech armour and squeezed the trigger. Salarian's head exploded showering the merc behind him with greenish blood and brain matter.

Dropping the rifle Shepard switched to the Phalanx and shot a human merc who was getting a bit too close to Miranda's cover as she was getting a breather after using warp on Enyala.

That was the same moment Grunt decided to switch to a shotgun and rush into a cluster mercs who were taking potshots at him, a loud crash and few shotgun blasts later Grunt showed up in Shepard's field of vision again covered in several different colours of what was most likely blood of whoever he killed.

Reloading the rifle again, he really needed something that reloaded faster but he did not wish to compromise the stopping power, he surveyed the battlefield.

Enyala was holed up on the far side of the bay with a pair of asari and another salarian tech expert, Miranda was keeping them occupied with her submachine gun. He could see the strain in her face, flinging biotic blasts one after another was hard even for someone like her.

"Grunt." Shepard pointed towards where Enyala and the last of her mercs were hiding, "Charge."

Grunt didn't bother to reply just threw his head back in a roar mixed with laughter and did what Shepard had asked crashing into the middle of them making them scatter but one asari was not quick enough, Shepard saw her limp body launched against the wall.

Enyala stood in perfect view now giving Shepard time to line up the shot. Kick in his shoulder, a loud crack of the rifle round going hypersonic followed by the view of Enyala falling as the round pierced her armour and shattered inside her body.

Miranda didn't waste time and used an overload on the salarian followed by a burst from her submachine gun and he dropped blood running down in streams where the armour was unable to compensate for the bleeding. Grunt had already finished the second asari, her purple blood marring her yellow armour where Grunt's shotgun blast had eviscerated her along with turning the armour into a metallic-ceramic mush.

And like that the fight was over. Grunt was his usual happy self, a bit of mayhem and murder always lifted his spirits. Shepard was relieved, that last shot was literally the last shot he had.

"Let's go, I need to make sure my sister is all right." Miranda said and headed for the elevator at the far side of the bay

Miranda did not talk for long with her sister, they both seemed a bit awkward about the whole situation and Oriana's parents were a bit more surprised by the appearance of Miranda than Oriana herself. Shepard did see a little smile playing across her lips as she came back to them and Shepard decided to politely ignore it, after all he wasn't sure how Miranda would react if he tried to talk about it. The last thing he wanted was for her to shut down and go back to the way she was when he had first met her.

The ride back in one of those aircars was silent, Shepard relaxing in the seat as the car automatically steered itself through the traffic back to the Nos Astra trading district. They had rushed straight to a meeting with Miranda's contact and had not visited Liara so they were on their way back where they started.

"You know this planet is a perfect example of asari as a species, deceptively beautiful and yet deadly if you don't pay attention." Shepard said as they banked around another tower and were presented with a full view of the Nos Astra arcology.

"I didn't think many have noticed that." Miranda looked at him surprised, after all it was rare for someone to see beyond their outer veneer of sophistication and culture.

"Well asari have been more or less in charge of the galaxy, wielding turians as a club and salarians as a dagger. Plus I have killed enough of their commandos to know that you don't have to be krogan to be bloody hard to kill."

"Tank imprint says the same, squishy but dangerous. Have to watch your hump with them." Grunt chimed in just as the aircar dropped down to the correct level with Liara's office just a short walk away.

A few short words with Nyxeris, Liara's personal assistant and Shepard walked into the office just as Liara was threatening someone.

"Liara?" Shepard asked warily, he was not sure how this meeting with an old friend would go

"Shepard! Its good to see you." Liara exclaimed as she nearly jumped onto Shepard hugging him.

"Its good to see you too Liara. For me however I saw you only a month or so ago."

"Of course Shepard. It must all be confusing for you, missing two years, seeing everything change." she said retreating behind her desk and motioning towards the chair in front of it for Shepard to sit.

"Well not as much any more but speaking of change, did you really just use the same line Benezia did?" he said perching on the edge of the seat, he didn't like the asari style chairs, you didn't sit in them as much as lounge in them.

"Yes, my mother was many things I would rather not be but she did know how to properly intimidate." Liara replied blushing slightly.

"So what have you been doing? Unless of course archaeology has suddenly become a much more cut-throat business than before?"

"I am an information broker Shepard and sometimes it requires a bit more flourish than substance."

"Well then I think you can help me. I am looking for two people on Illium. A drell assassin and a justicar."

"Thane Krios and Samara, of course. Taking down collectors is no easy task and you would need people of their calibre."

"You know about my mission?" Shepard said taken aback for a moment.

"Shepard, I am a good information broker and even if I wasn't you are my friend and despite what you might think quite a famous one, I would have been keeping tabs on you anyway." Liara explained.

"Thane Krios is on a contract to kill Nassana Dantius, you might want to speak with Seryna down in the cargo transfer for more information." she continued

"Wait, Nassana?" Shepard interrupted, "wasn't she a diplomat on Citadel who had a slaver sister?"

"That's the one, I must say both of them are equally corrupt."

"Yeah I had a feeling she would turn out to be bad, just not this fast." Shepard replied, "anyway, where do I find the justicar?"

"She can be found on the lower space port area, Eclipse use them for smuggling goods that are illegal even on Illium. But my contacts say that she is here on a personal mission."

"Thank you Liara. You really know all this stuff from the top of your head?" Shepard said amazed.

"Its just information Shepard, nothing more complicated than remembering obscure historical facts no one but a few scholars care about."

"I would ask you to come along but I have a feeling that you won't."

"You are right Shepard. I can't. Not because I do not want to help you but there is something I need to deal with. Shadow Broker captured a friend and I need to get him back." Liara replied strain in her voice

"Are you in trouble? Is there something I can help you with?"

"No Shepard, at least not at this moment. This is something that I have to do."

"I understand Liara but if there is anything you need, tell me." with that Shepard stood up

"Of course, I will keep in touch." Liara also stood up walked around the table and hugged Shepard again, "Good luck Shepard."

Half an hour later they were riding the elevator up to the Eclipse base, the brief fire-fight after which Samara was detained by the detective and a bit of intimidation on the volus merchant Pitne For formed the core of their mission objectives. Get into the base, find the record of the criminal and then get out. Of course it was not going to be that easy with the asari mercs probably hopped up on the highly illegal and toxic biotic enhancing drug that the volus supplied.

"You know I have been wondering if asari took their elevator designs straight from protheans. It doesn't seem to matter how much distance they need to go they always take exactly the same amount of time." Shepard said

"That is interesting" replied Miranda but the way she said the word interesting clearly meant that she was not in fact interested.

"You just haven't spent so much time riding in elevators with your squad members having awkward silences and even more awkward conversations. I think at one point Tali was ready to open fire on Garrus."

"So are you making up for the lack of awkward elevator conversations right now?" Miranda said her voice mocking

"Heh, yeah I guess I am. Some habits die hard." Shepard replied and before he could say something else the elevator doors opened and they were greeted by a LOKI mech.

Grunt just rushed out swinging his fist at the mechs head which detached and bounced off the wall behind it.

"Humans talk too much." he said with a slight growl and stomped the fallen mechs body a few times for a good measure.

"Look sharp people, I think we are not on a guest list." Shepard said and drawing the Locust pushed forward with Grunt and Miranda following.

The merc's didn't give them much trouble, most of them fell under their concentrated gunfire, Shepard trying to keep Miranda's biotics for a more challenging opponent.

"Well this terminal doesn't hold any info we need. But at least some credits." Shepard said as he interfaced with the secured terminal "I am classifying this as reparations by the Eclipse for the armour repairs to us."

As they were crossing yet another docking bay Shepard heard the tell-tale whine of the gunship turbines.

"Find some cover NOW." he yelled and ducked behind what seemed to be the docking control console just in time to see the stream of projectiles slam into the floor near him.

"What is it with mercs and gunships? Were they on sale somewhere in merc supply store or something?" Shepard said pulling his missile launcher from the slot on his back

"Shepard I think this is not the time for another one of your random thoughts." Miranda replied hiding behind one of the walkway railings, they were specifically hardened to resist starship thruster temperatures just in case of an accident during docking so stopping a few rounds even from a M350 machine gun mounted on that gunship was not a problem.

"Grunt, here take their minds of me for a bit." Shepard yelled tossing the rocket launcher to Grunt who's face lit up in juvenile krogan delight. Grunt would have happily exchanged all of his weapons for a bunch of rocket launchers if he had been allowed. Shepard then unclipped his sniper rifle and changing the ammo settings to armour piercing lined up a shot. A-61 were tough, one of the reasons for their popularity is their multiple redundancy systems, so the fastest way to take out a gunship was to aim for its pilot. Shepard's rifle cracked at the same time as Grunt loosed another rocket at the gunship. The pilot surprised by the bullet impact on the canopy swerved right into the rocket which set to anti-air mode exploded into shrapnel against one of the control surfaces. The pilot swerved again fighting hard to keep the gunship from careening into the wall giving Shepard just enough time to line up another shot. This time the bullet cracked the canopy making merc at the controls spin the gunship sideways giving Grunt a much bigger target. Grunt did not let the chance go by standing up fully and quick-firing three rockets at the gunship.

Exploding simultaneously they tore off the gunships right thruster and the tail stabilisers making it spin out of control before exploding as the fuel leaking from the torn thruster ignited on the electrical fires.

"SHEPAARD, THIS IS FUN!" Grunt roared.

"Ok, there is no time to waste, if they sent a gunship against us I imagine we are getting pretty close to something important." Shepard said and they quickly followed him.

Shepard stood above Captain Wasea's body. Sniping wasn't an option since she had thrown the canisters of toxic drug every time Shepard managed to get behind a suitable cover. So with a bit of distraction by Grunt and Miranda using her biotics to deflect the canisters Shepard managed to sneak close enough for the strike. Not many outside of asari knew that the spot just below those scalp crests was not as strong as the rest of the skull, with a nerve cluster behind it that worked like the bio-amps used by other species. A precise hit there with enough force would paralyze temporarily the ability to use biotics. The tactical cloak generator really come in handy, she did not see him at all as he stepped behind her. Wasea crumpled like a wet paper towel, purple blood oozing out of the back of her head where Shepard's fist had struck her with enough force to cave in that part of her skull driving shards of bone deep into her brain. It hadn't been his intention to do that but now that it was done there was no going back.

Miranda and Grunt finished the last of the mercs and came up to Shepard.

"Well that was quick. How did you do it?" Miranda asked looking at the body.

"I was not aiming to kill her, I thought stopping her from using biotics and then questioning her. We needed info and she seemed to know what we were here for." Shepard said apologetic.

"Commander you are quite a bit stronger than a normal human now so you might need to learn how to control it in a combat situation better."

"I have been sparring with Jacob and he seemed fine."

"Shepard, Jacob is abnormal himself, his standard morning training routine would leave anyone else too exhausted to do anything else for a day and as far as I know he never won." Miranda pointed out

"Well sure but I am an N7, we really are not meant to be easy to defeat."

"Commander, Jacob is a biotic CQC specialist, why did you think he preferred to use shotguns and handguns?"

"Oh, well..." Shepard paused, "Anyway lets search around, this seems like the central dispatch office so we might find a shipping manifest."

"Of course Commander." Miranda replied and leaned over the keyboard of the desk terminal.

Walking out of the police station after presenting the evidence of Pitne For's smuggling, the asari killer of the volus that started the mess and giving Samara the name of the ship her fugitive escaped on Shepard felt oddly satisfied. He was not sure exactly what to make of Samara's oath but the detective seemed suitably impressed to signify that it was indeed a rare honour. He said as much.

"Well there goes the biotic god." Miranda said as a volus in a suit with familiar markings walked past them.

"You know I am not even sure if volus we see are male or female. They all talk in similar enough voice range and apart from the fact that they are ammonia-based." Shepard mused as they walked towards the air-car their group now including Samara.

"They do seem to get offended quite easily if you ask them about their suits." Miranda said as she punched a quick-call button

"What about you Samara? Do you know?" Shepard said turning to their newest member

"I do not Shepard, I have spent most of my time in asari space and have never been interested in volus, they always were quietly competent in my dealings with them and I never had a reason to pry."

"Then the mystery deepens, next time we are on the Citadel I think I might look up Borla Von, he seemed to be the most agreeable volus I have met."

"Why not just look it up on the extra net?" Miranda asked

"Well, where is the fun in that? Oh and our car is here." Shepard said and leaped into the drivers seat as if he hasn't spent the last hour and a half fighting through a merc base.

_**I got bored with writing internal dialogue and decided to try my hand at something with more action. I hope this injects a bit of life into the story. Also, yes I am diverging slightly from the conversations that Shepard has with people. And my Shepard is an inflitrator but with an expanded range of powers, the whole ammo-power thing always felt a bit forced in ME2 so all characters can use all ammo-powers. And heavy weapons. **_

_**The squad makeup is also the way I actually played, Grunt is nearly unkillable and Miranda had the best range of tech/biotic powers so she was useful on most missions.**_

_**In the future I am thinking of diverging slightly from the explanation of how weapons work. Bullets the size of grains while sound cool but I just dont see how they could do all the things they need to be effective against armour, shields and the body. Simply not enough metal. **_

_**Also I would like to see some feedback, especially on this chapter. If this goes well then I will put more combat in.**_


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard walked groggily towards the coffee dispenser, even with cybernetic upgrades he still did not like mornings. It was still too early for the day shift to start breakfast but two people were already there. Surprisingly, Zaeed and Jack were talking and if Shepard was hearing it correctly, they were swapping stories of the most gruesome way they have managed to kill someone. Not the best breakfast topic, but whatever floats their boat.

Zaeed was easy to understand, he was a soldier, a mercenary, someone who has seen way too much of the worst side of humanity and intelligent life in general to put stock into causes, good or bad it did not matter to him. Zaeed had a peculiar set of values and loyalty but one thing was quite clear, as long as you did not try to betray him or kill him he would do what you need him to do.

Jack was another matter entirely. Shepard was still not sure what to think of her or how to approach her in a way that wouldn't end up in her trying to kill him, or have sex with him. Her mental and emotional issues made her quite dangerous to everyone around her. He was nervous at first of her chosen accommodations, too close to the mass effect core for his liking. He wanted to help her, to get her better but he also knew that any traditional attempts would be counterproductive. Like handling a live grenade with a voice activator, say the wrong thing and it blows but you have no idea what the wrong thing is.

Taking his cup out of the dispenser and making a large gulp he felt the hot liquid invigorate him. It wasn't the caffeine, his new liver processed it a bit too fast and even before he had drunk so much coffee over the years that the effect was psychological rather than physiological.

A hundred years ago drinking such large amounts of coffee would have posed a health risk but these days even modest genetic enhancements and routine medicals solved most of the problems that plagued the humanity in the 21st century.

Pushing another cup into the dispenser he sipped his own as it filled. It was time for the customary morning briefing in Miranda's quarters. She was his XO after all and she did deal with most of the problems of running the ship and he felt guilty about neglecting his duties as the commanding officer so he had started to come into her office in the morning before something distracted them both and together they dealt with anything that cropped up. Which is why he was heading there with a cup of coffee now. It was just coffee he said to himself, nothing to it, but he looked forward to one particular moment.

"Morning Shepard."  
"Miranda," he said and offered her the cup which she took immediately her fingertips brushing his palm. She was careful about not touching him at first, making him put the cup down on the table or picking it up in a way to minimise contact but not today, not for the last week. As she took a sip out of the cup he saw her lips curl into a slight smile which she hid by angling her cup to cover her mouth. Shepard liked seeing her smile, he had noticed the first time he brought her coffee right after the mission to get Garrus that she liked coffee in the same way Shepard did. Strong but with milk and just a bit of sugar, just enough to mask the most bitter part of it but retaining the full flavour. It also helped that he had picked up excellent Earth coffee when they were last time on the Citadel.

"Nothing really to report today, the ship is in excellent shape, we can top off our fuel tanks when we head for the relay. Our crew is also in top shape, Mordin and Chakwas make for one crack medical team."

"So business as usual?"Shepard asked "Did you talk to Kasumi?"

"About the guard that keeps staring at her? Yes. I asked her if I should talk to him but apparently Kelly dealt with it."

"Kelly?"

"Yes, Shepard. Kelly. And don't look so surprised she is a professional, one of the reasons she was picked for your crew is her ability to resolve such things." Miranda said

"Of course, I don't doubt her abilities. So is that everything we needed to do this morning?"

"Actually," she paused "I wanted to thank you again, taking the time to help me with my sister. I couldn't have reached Oriana in time without your help" Miranda stood up and walked over to the observation window where the ripples of the mass effect field were casting purple-bluish light

"I am glad Niket tried to redeem himself, for what good it did. Thank you for stopping me Shepard."

"Sounds like you had a soft spot for Niket after all"

"I didn't have many friends. Niket was one of them. He never wanted anything from me. He was safe." Miranda said with a pause, "Comfortable. A reminder of a more innocent time I suppose"

"Are you happy with your sister's relocation?" Shepard asked

"She has what I wanted her to have, a normal life and the freedom to choose her own path." her voice softening she continued "And she knows she has an older sister. A friend."

"Are you going to talk to her again? I imagine it would be hard on both of you not to."

"I honestly don't know. For once I haven't planned that far ahead. I hope so." her voice trailed off towards the end and then regaining strength she continued. "I will deal with it after our mission. I have to stay focused and she needs time to adjust to her new home."

"Let me know if you need anything else." Shepard said standing up

"I think I've got it from here. My sister's new location is far more secure. But thank you, Shepard. My sister is safe again thanks in large part to you. I won't forget that." Miranda said as she stood up facing Shepard, her hand coming up to grasp Shepard's forearm in a kind of less official handshake, in response Shepard put his hand on her upper arm squeezing it gently in return.

The moment lasted a few second before EDI's blue orb flashed into life by the doors.

"Garrus Vakarian has arrived and is requesting to speak with you Operative Lawson."

Separating with a slight fluster Miranda stepped back into what would be deemed a professional distance before replying.

"Of course EDI, let him in."

Garrus strode in, his turian gait making it seem like he was swaggering like some old west cowboy, Shepard thought. Shepard's father loved to watch the old vids, mostly made in the middle of the 20th century and while Shepard had never really understood the fascination his father had with them he could admit that putting Garrus in the traditional hat and with two revolvers on his hips, maybe even a poncho draped around his shoulders would make quite a scene.

"Miranda, you wanted to talk about the main guns?"

"Yes, Garrus. We are going to receive them by the end of the week so I wanted you to be there when the engineering team is going to install them. Since you are the gunnery officer they are going to be your responsibility from the minute the first cable is attached."

"Of course Miranda, looking forward to having something more substantial to look after."

"Good, here is the full specs, we had to outsource their manufacturing to the turians through a dummy corporation so all the documentation is in some non-standard turian dialect." Miranda said and handed him a datapad

"Heh, no, that's not a dialect, just the shorthand engineers use, its not that much different from military shorthand so I will get you a translated copy by tomorrow." Garrus said with a short laugh his mandibles showing amusement.

"We are meeting Seryna, Thane Krios contact after the business hours so you should get started." Shepard said, he wasn't sure what that moment between him and Miranda was but he would have liked to see where it went.

"Sure, right on it Shepard." Garrus replied picking up on the slight strain in Shepard's voice.

"I have some reports to read commander." Miranda said still standing in the same place, her arms locked in an awkward self-hug around her mid-riff

"I will leave you to it then."

As Shepard and Garrus walked out of her office she felt her face heat up. What was she thinking? But of course at that moment she wasn't. She just followed up on her urge, urge to touch Shepard, to feel close to him.

That was just his charisma, she said to herself, that was just a mix of her gratitude and his natural magnetism, Miranda told herself trying to make herself believe that it was nothing beyond that.

She has seen how Shepard affects people, men, women, even aliens. Liara T'Soni practically jumped him when she saw him, her whole attention focused on him. Kelly Chambers upbeat attitude was in part her reaction to Shepard, the way she reacted when Shepard walked on to the CIC, the way she talked to him. Even Oriana had commented when she saw Shepard standing back waiting for her, even from a distance Shepard commanded attention.

Miranda had envied that quality about Shepard, his accomplishments that were attained through sheer force of will. She had read the requirements for someone to become an N7, and she had read his performance review on the program, after Elysium it didn't even slow Shepard down.

And no wonder Kai Leng was thrown out, she had wondered for a while why Illusive Man kept that psychopath around. Well someone had to do things no one else wanted she thought to herself.

For the first time since the start of the Lazarus project she wondered what they have done. Shepard was good before, the way he had effortlessly dispatched numerous Cerberus operatives before proved it beyond any doubt. And then they rebuilt him with synthetic reinforcements in his bones, muscle and skin, his liver function and toxin resistance were also beyond normal human levels, even hers. Which proved useful with the batarian bartender in Omega, she had expected Shepard to tell Aria about his attempted poisoning but Shepard simply came back into the bar and made the batarian drink his own poison. She had seen him angry before that but it always felt like he was angry on behalf of someone else. But when he watched as batarian gulped his own poison was the first time she had been intimidated by him. Only one man in the galaxy intimidated her, Illusive Man was one, no matter how well he hid it he still made an impression of a predator just waiting to pounce. Shepard however turned into this black hole, sounds became muted, lights seemed to dim, he felt like a dark god awakened from the deep, ready to mete out the punishment for disturbing his slumber. It was also so unlike the normal Shepard she had come to know.

She doubted Shepard knew half of what was needed to be done to bring him back to life and hoped he would never find out.

Letting her terminal download the latest Cerberus intel she noticed as a new dossier flashed up.

Tali'Zorah vas Neema. Well, that would make for an interesting recruitment mission, she thought as she routed it to Shepard's mailbox.

Joker sat in his chair, there was no real need to since the ship was docked but there really was nothing else for him to do and he felt an irrational fear about leaving the chair. He remembered the moment when Shepard was getting blown out of the ship while saving his life as if it happened just a yesterday. Every time he closed his eyes the image presented itself as if taunting him. Alliance counsellors and Chakwas both had said to him that it is normal for this type of situation to feel guilt, to have those irrational fears about leaving the Normandy or leaving the pilot's seat. It did not however make him feel better. He knew he had let Shepard down, he let Shepard die, he let Normandy die. He remembered Ashley's face when they got picked up by a passing Alliance cruiser , the grief, the unspoken accusation, why did HE have to survive at the cost of Shepard's life. He did not blame anyone for thinking that. But after the few minutes her face softened and instead of accusing him, instead of screaming at him she put her arms around him gently and cried. Then Liara did the same, and after a few minutes the surviving crew from the Normandy all stood together in a group hug, some crying, some simply silent sharing the grief over the loss of Shepard and the other crew members of the Normandy. Later in the medbay he discovered that he had cracked ribs but it felt worth it.

Ever since he and Ashley got reassigned to different posts they had started writing to each other. At first it was just them venting at each other about their new assignments, about the Council, about a dozen different things. Over time however they became friends, close enough for Ashley to tell him about her relationship with Shepard, close enough for him to tell her about his guilt. Even when he quit Alliance, even when he got recruited by Cerberus they kept in touch. He had sent her a message about Shepard being alive again but it seems she had never received it. Was it Cerberus or Alliance who intercepted it? It did not matter any more. Her last letter to him was quite angry, full of accusations which seemed to run parallel to what she had told Shepard on Horizon. He knew she was only saying those things because she was hurt, he had seen first hand how much Shepard's death had affected her but he had also hoped she would know them better, trust Shepard and him enough to let it go. He had held himself back from answering her in the same angry way she had written him, knowing that the bitterness is temporary and with some time he would be clear-headed enough to answer in a way that wouldn't destroy their friendship. He didn't have enough friends alive as it was for him to let her go easily.

Looking at the email again he clicked reply and started typing.


	7. Intermission 1 Ash&Joker

From:AsHWill14 .sa

To:JMoreau55 arcturus.

I am sorry to take off like this on my own. I know I promised you a night out but I needed to see my sisters and I needed to escape the string of well-wishers and journo's that keep trying to get a "tell all" interview. Especially now that the Council has started to back-wheel on their commitments to Alliance. I am still amazed that he got us a council seat. I don't know what amazes me more, the defeat of the Sovereign or getting council to actually do something useful. How did Tali's farewell party go? Garrus said something about getting her drunk, as is the proper turian way of celebrating adulthood.

From:JMoreau55 .sa

To:AsHWill14 .sa

I understand, they don't hound me so much any more because the last time I hit one of them I broke my wrist. Now that taught them a lesson. Garrus disappeared, it was on the news. Apparently they thought he got kidnapped or something but they found his accounts cleaned out and his C-sec issue gun and omni-tool delivered by a courier a few days later. And are you really not doing those Fornax and Playhard photo shoots? Because I think I have seen at least a dozen separate advertisements about you "uncovering the whole truth and nothing but the truth". Without a doubt commander's greatest achievement was actually getting the council to accept humanity, I saw the press-release and I swear Sparatus was about to pop a blood vessel there, or whatever the turian variant he has. And Valern looked as if he swallowed a particularly nasty tasting bug, do you think salarians still eat bugs, they always reminded me a bit of frogs. The only one who looked pleased was Tevos, but we do seem to look like the asari so I guess she felt a bit lonely in the whole "three finger" club.

Seriously though, I talked to Chakwas and she told me that you haven't said commander's name since that day. I thought you only do that because everyone knows who you are talking about but it seems you are avoiding saying it. You know you can talk to me or Chakwas, we won't judge.

From:AsHWill14 .sa

To:JMoreau55 .sa

I… I can't. Not yet. Our last conversation was me nearly accusing him of cheating on me with Liara. I know they are just friends but she is pretty and asari, all the rumours about their skills cannot be false. He has been distant ever since we defeated Sovereign and I knew he wasn't cheating but I just wanted him to react.

I am going to be on the next ship back and I am bringing you a surprise.

From:JMoreau55 .sa

To:AsHWill14 .sa

How are you doing on your new assignment? Congratulations on finally getting the promotion confirmed, now you are a proud Operations Chief. And you get reassigned to shout at some new guys. I guess your experience at shooting...well everything does come in handy. I am still stuck here, they are not letting me pilot anything bigger than a shuttle. I may have said something about commander and council and some other stuff that they could have taken personally but I swear it was nothing I did.

You should have brought your sisters with you in a fight against Sovereign, three Williams sisters could replace a whole fleet in destructive power. Just next time don't let me get convinced by them to actually try dancing, I had to spend a week in a wheelchair while all the cracks in my bones got healed.

From:AsHWill14 .sa

To:JMoreau55 .sa

I am not sure if this email still works. I heard you have been thinking of leaving the Alliance. I know times are tough but you worked so hard to do what you did, why give up now? Next month I have some leaving coming so I will visit you. Don't do anything rash.

And thank you for that interview, you said things about Shepard that they needed to hear. I could not so thank you for doing it in my place.

From:JMoreau55 luna.c

To:AsHWill14 .sa

I am sorry it took this long to respond, I know how you feel about Alliance and I thought that if I waited for you before quitting you would have convinced me not to. But they were not letting me fly, the only post they offered me was to go back to the Academy to teach. I am not a teacher you know that. I would have stolen one of those old jet-trainers and crashed into some admiral's office in a month.

But I got recruited by a civilian aerospace corp, they offered good pay and as much flying as I wanted. Its not what I thought I would do but Alliance had grounded me, unofficially but Adams and the rest of the crew, all got posted to new places months ago and I was just sitting here on Arcturus getting stir crazy.

Sarah said that you stopped quoting dead poets in every conversation about commander now. Next time I am near Titan I will come visit you.

From:AsHWill14 .sa

To:JMoreau55 .sa

I understand Jeff. I don't like it and I still think you should have given Alliance time but I understand. I hope you like your new job.

And how long have you been talking behind my back with my sisters?

I am not on Titan any more, I got reassigned. I can't tell you where, you know operational security and all that and since you are not even Alliance…

Have you heard anything from the rest? I tried contacting Liara about getting together for the Shepard's one year memorial on Elysium but she hasn't answered me. I will pray for you, as I pray for Shepard and the others. Even Wrex.

From:JMoreau55 luna.c

To:AsHWill14 .sa

This job is even better than I thought. Apparently they held back on some of the benefits that I would receive, I am getting a bone reinforcement surgery, still experimental and quite expensive but I would be able to walk without crutches, just some leg-braces.

That is not the only benefit but that is the only one I am allowed to tell you. A strict NDA. And it was you who introduced me to your sisters so its really your fault.

I haven't talked to anyone but you, the rest just went their own way I guess. We were Shepard's crew after all.

From:AsHWill14 .sa

To:JMoreau55 .sa

Jeff, I have been hearing rumours that Shepard has been seen and that he had arrived on a Cerberus marked frigate named Normandy. He can't be alive. We all saw him die. It's an imposter, a clone or something else equally despicable dreamed up by the Cerberus mad scientists. Jeff tell me you didn't go to work for Cerberus. Tell me that job you got wasn't for them. Tell you you didn't know about this imposter. Tell me this isn't true.

Because if it is then Shepard lied to us, Shepard lied to me. Made it seem like he died. He never said he loved me but he would never abandon me like that. Not if he was the man I thought he was. Because if he did….

Tell me it's not true.

**MESSAGE INTERCEPTED ALLIANCE INTELLIGENCE COMMAND MESSAGE FORWARDED UNEDITED AUTHORISED BY ALLIANCE MILITARY INTELLIGENCE DIVISION 9 MAJOR MOTOKO KUSANAGI**

From:JMoreau55 luna.c

To:AsHWill14 .sa

Ashley, I know its hard to believe. But it's true Commander Shepard is alive. Cerberus brought him back, built the new Normandy and is sending us out to kick the Collectors collective ass. Human colonies have been disappearing everyone knows that but no one knew who was responsible.

I know what you think about Cerberus, I know what the Alliance says about them but they brought back Shepard, and he is Shepard, the real one.

And I know how stubborn you Williams sisters are so just think everything through before doing whatever it is you think about doing. You know Shepard, you know me. Just don't jump to any conclusions.

**MESSAGE INTERCEPTED. CERBERUS SECURITY PROTOCOL 219-A REPORTING TO THE CERBERUS OPERATIVE IN CHARGE FOR BREACH OF PROTOCOL OPERATIVE LAWSON AUTHORIZED MESSAGE DELIVERYFILE TO BE SCRUBBED OF SENSITIVE FORWARDING DATA**

**MESSAGE INTERCEPTED ALLIANCE INTELLIGENCE COMMAND MESSAGE ARCHIVED**

From:AsHWill14 .sa

To:JMoreau55 .sa

I can't believe you. I can't believe Shepard. You betrayed the Alliance. You betrayed Earth. You betrayed ME. All this time, all these months you knew, you knew about Shepard and you were working for Cerberus. Did you think you could turn me? Make me work for Cerberus?

At least you had the decency of quitting the Alliance, but Shepard deserted didn't he. He never died. He let me and the whole galaxy think that he died bravely saving your life but all this time he simply hid. Working for Cerberus. Were those missions against Cerberus fake? Did he work for them back then, just sent to clean up after their ops go bad?

Was I just a good fuck for him? Was it just that? He wasn't into aliens because he was Cerberus so he just used me as a bed warmer?

I hoped, I prayed that the rumours were false, that it was just an imposter. But it was really him. I saw him, saw the way he took down those bugs. One thing I know about him that is true, one thing no one could have faked. The way he moves in combat.

Did you have a good laugh with Shepard reading my messages? Passing them on to Cerberus. And I even let you meet my family, my sisters. I thought of you as the brother I never had. Was all that fake too? Did you deliberately stay behind, give Shepard time to fake his death? Were you working for Cerberus back then too?

When they send me with a few squads of marines to take you and Shepard down will you make me shoot you? Will Shepard make me shoot him?

_**So here it is, the correspondence between Ashley and Joker. I didn't time stamp any of them because I do not want to tie myself down to a precise time just in case I decide to write something about this time period later. **_

_**This was partially inspired by commandercucumber's review. I thought people wouldn't care about the messages but if someone wants them here they are. **_

_**And yes Joker got the similar treatment to his bones as Shepard did, it allows him to walk and shoot a rifle in ME2 but his bones are still brittle. **_


	8. Chapter 7

It just had to be drones. Two of them. Firing rockets every couple of seconds down the bridge. And a dozen or so Eclipse mercs between his team and the other end of this bridge. Signalling for Garrus to get ready he tapped Samara's shoulder.

"Create a distraction we need to take out those drones first. A biotic explosion would do."

Samara simply nodded and with a brief flare up of biotic energy coating her body she flung her arms forward. Two blue spinning spheres flew a dozen or so metres before colliding and exploding outwards in one powerful wave. One merc hiding behind an unfinished pillar stumbled and fell to her death.

At the same moment Garrus and Shepard leaned out of their cover, steadied their rifles and put a round each into the rocket drones. The explosion of their rocket magazines killed another merc, a salarian this time.

Switching to the assault rifle Garrus put down some covering fire allowing Shepard to move up and pick off two mercs double-tapping both of them. All three of them were experienced soldiers and fighting with Garrus again felt natural, as if two years haven't really gone by, their tactics learned in many fights with geth and mercs back on the first Normandy. Samara had several dozen times the experience and she fell in with their pace naturally. For the past 40 minutes they have been blowing through the mercs and bots, Garrus overloading their shields, Shepard setting their armour on fire and Samara supporting both of them with her biotics and her submachine gun effortlessly as if it hadn't been their first mission together, Shepard didn't even have to give orders or prioritise targets both Garrus and Samara seemed to grasp what was needed at the moment as if they had been doing this for weeks together.

Leaning out of his cover Shepard nodded to Garrus and they both started to lay down covering fire letting Samara get in close to the mercs left on the bridge.

Joker was right, Shepard thought as he watched Samara biotically kick one of the mercs into a couple of mercs standing to her right and shooting the fourth one in the chest. All this time her facial expression did not change remaining impassive as if she has been watching a paint dry for the last decade and it had stuck.

Well maybe that is part of the Justicar training, not showing any emotion when killing. From the explanation Samara had given him earlier today the code is quite rigid in structure and compels the justicars to take the life of someone doing wrong even if a lesser punishment would have been more appropriate. Which is probably right, you wouldn't want to have biotic warrior-monks with authority to kill any asari to start enjoy killing.

As he was thinking Garrus put a round through an asari vanguard's shields which Shepard followed up with a double tap. These were the last mercs before Nassana's office, he remembered killing her sister. He didn't want to kill her but she fought back, sure she was a slaver and probably a few other nasty things too but Shepard would have been happy to just drop her off at the nearest C-sec post.

And now he was here, wondering again if she is going to die by his hand or if the assassin is going to get her first. He hoped the assassin was as good as the dossier said he was. Sighing he entered her office.

Miranda was sitting in her quarters staring at the terminal screen. She had refreshed her news log for the fourth time in as many minutes. It was already nearly two o'clock at night and there was still no sign of Shepard. At first she had tried to sleep but after tossing and turning and only getting herself more riled up she gave up and decided to work while she waited. Reaching for her nightshirt she wished she was in a hotel with a balcony so that the cool night wind would brush against her skin. In space or when there was a need to quickly dress she would normally wear standard spacer's underwear, two piece, made out of semi-synthetic thermo regulating fabric. Here, docked safely she had pampered herself knowing that they are not going to leave at least for another 3 days as the Thanix cannons are getting installed.

She was not used to this. Not used to sitting while someone else took action, not used to waiting for someone else to do the work as she checked her email again.

She briefly considered writing something to Oriana but she knew that if she did right now she would let a bit more slip than she wanted her to know. After all Oriana was her genetic twin, she was as smart and capable as her and in some ways more rounded as a person.

She did wonder what Illusive Man had thought when forwarding the dossier about an assassin. She could understand a powerful biotic like Samara would be an advantage, even that crazy bitch Jack just unleashing her against a dozen or so enemies would work wonders as a distraction. The ex-STG salarian, Garrus Vakarian, Zaeed Massani even Kasumi the thief and Tali who they still needed to pick up all made sense. But an assassin?

Then again both Shepard and Kasumi were proud users of tactical cloaking system so another squad member who specialised in silent kills would make for a standard infiltration team.

Judging by the last mission they were on however Shepard's style was a bit more loud and rough than she expected. Briefly she wondered what would Shepard think if he came in right now and saw her sitting by her terminal in nothing but a rather wispy silk nightshirt but before her imagination started to develop the scene she shook her head and clicked refresh again.

Walking out of the Dantius towers Shepard felt relieved, he did not have to kill Nassana after all. It was not the idea of killing someone like her that bothered him, he had after all killed a lot of people over the years of his military career, or even the many mercenaries on his way to her. But knowing her from before and knowing that he had killed her sister would have made it harder for him to kill her. Somehow it would have felt too similar to decimating a family. Thane Krios was going to take time to prepare, finish up his dealings on Illium and then report to the ship so there was only Samara and Garrus riding with him in the aircar.

Not for the first time he looked at Illium in wonder. It was a beautiful world, asari architecture was quite striking, clearly influenced by the clean lines of Citadel tower but still visibly their own. Asari were probably the most advanced species in the galaxy, even salarians were having a hard time matching the asari technology but they were quite close. Shepard had always wondered why they built their ships in that shape Destiny Ascension especially, it didn't seem to be the most optimal one especially since the dreadnoughts main strength lie in the power of its main gun so turians, humans and salarians built their dreadnoughts around their main guns. But it was quite stunning to see, which he guessed was the point, asari seemed to put a lot of stock into appearances. Not for the first time he wondered what asari were hiding, the few memories that Shepard glimpsed in Liara's mind connected to protheans and their technology seemed to be contradictory. Asari encouraged to seek out prothean technology, to research it but were quite reluctant to admit new theories about the fall of the civilization. It was one of the major points of frustration for Liara, it had taken years for her to get funding and the permission for her to try to find evidence of where protheans disappeared to.

As the car banked towards the spaceport terminal where Normandy was docked he looked at Samara wondering if she knows anything.

"Samara, you spent most of your life in asari space haven't you?"

"Yes Commander."

"Do you know why asari build ships in the shape they are?"

"I do not commander, ship design was never one of the subjects that had interested me at any point in my life."

"Yeah, I would imagine so. It just seemed so strange to me, asari do not have a single government like the Alliance or like the Turian Hierarchy yet your armed forces seem to be quite standartised. Considering how many colonies you have and how many governments I would have thought it would be quite hard to do that."

"It has been like that ever since the rachni wars and the krogan rebellions that followed them. It was made quite clearly that on their own asari colonies are vulnerable."

"Well that makes sense. Earth united quite quickly when it was clear that there are aliens around."

The aircar banked again and decelerated sharply as it stopped a short walk away from the Normandy's docking port.

Thane Krios stepped aboard a few hours later carrying only a small duffel bag and a weapons case. Jacob reacted in a bit too strongly to the whole "assassin" thing and Shepard not for the first time remembered Joker's words when he recruited Samara.

"So, Commander, even your asari are trained killers? You get everyone at the same store or something?"

It still made him chuckle. It was true, after all the most innocent squad member he had was Grunt. After all he had not killed anyone before Shepard released him from the tank. But most of the galaxy would have a fit if he used the word innocent to describe a krogan.

Garrus and a team of technicians were busy ripping out the old main guns and replacing them with Thanix.

For the first time since he woke up Shepard had nothing to do. Miranda was a very good XO, everyone on the ship was working very well and until the cannon install was done they were stuck here.

He was surprised when Miranda greeted him coming back from the mission, even more surprised that she was not her usual perfect self, after all these years in the military he could easily discern when someone had dressed quickly. He had also been trying to hide the injury he had, nothing major just a piece of shrapnel that was fast and lucky to strike in between armour plates. He had pulled it out and medigel acted fast and he didn't really plan on going to the medbay, he had a full first aid kit in his quarters, he was just going to apply a new bandage after a shower. He told her as much but Miranda was having none of it. She personally escorted him to the medbay and after stripping out of the armour she had cleaned the cut, which had started to bleed as soon as the medigel was peeled off and put a proper bandage on.

Why did he feel like he was a teenager again around her? He never had a problem with nudity, in the marines that kind of thing gets quickly forgotten, while it is proper procedure to have separate sex showers and bathrooms quite a few forward posts and the older ships do not have that luxury. So you end up showering with whoever else is in there at the moment you come in. And he was pretty sure Miranda had seen all of him when he was lying there on the operating table, she has probably seen most of his internals too so why did he feel hesitant taking off his armour in front of her? Why did the sensation of her fingertips brushing against his ribs when she was inspecting the wound feel so electrifying?

He had already done his usual rounds, walking through the ship from bow to the stern, every level, talking to people. He had started doing that back on the first Normandy, mostly to keep his mind off the huge task he was sent on, to reassure himself. So as soon as he had enough free time he did the same to the new Normandy. He had heard some of the crew members call it a "Shepard inspection" and remembered that his mother used to do something similar. He remembered as she explained it to him once that it was more to due with maintaining understanding of the ship and the crew than an actual inspection.

Walking up to the terminal next to the galaxy map Shepard greeted perpetually upbeat Kelly and signed in. He had a list of things he had to do and deciding which was more pressing was not always easy.

Jacob asked him to look into the distress beacon from his father's ship and there was still the mission to Haestrom to get Tali. And then there was the mission for Zaeed. Taking a look at the galaxy map he plotted the jumps and considered his options. He was thankful that EDI was there to correct his mistakes, after all on the first Normandy navigator Pressly did most of the ship running, even on this Normandy Shepard had to rely heavily on Miranda and EDI for that. The thought that while he was the captain of the ship and yet still mostly ignorant of what it took to run it gnawed at him, his mother had always insisted that it was officers duty to know his ship and despite him not being officially in the Alliance anymore on the account of him being dead he was still an officer.

"Joker, EDI is forwarding you our nav plot data, take us out as soon as you can." Shepard pressed the intercom button.

"Roger that Shepard." Joker said and the intercom crackled "authentically".

Well while they are waiting for departure might as well get some practice done, Garrus probably has learned a few things in the past two years and he would bet both Zaeed and Samara had enough experience to teach him a thing or two.

_**Sorry it took this long to write this chapter. I kept losing the thread of where I wanted it to go and the words were coming more slowly than I would have liked. I am also not sure of how many characters yet I want to write more in depth about. As always I would appreciate some feedback.**_


	9. Chapter 8

Shepard could not understand why he had even contemplated leaving those people to die at Zaeed's suggestion. It was the look in Miranda's eyes that stopped him, she was watching him carefully as he had hesitated momentarily and somehow he know that if he did he would disappoint her and that made him turn around. Why did he need that look to do the right thing? He remembered well enough that before he got spaced he wouldn't have hesitated. And why was the thought of disappointing Miranda felt so bad?

"Shepard did you hear me?" Garrus said tapping his talon on Shepard's shoulder. "Sorry, Garrus I was thinking. What were you saying?" Shepard said turning towards him "I said why is it every time you meet Tali she is in some kind of trouble and in need of a rescue? First on Citadel, then without me on Freedom's Progress and now this, a planet full of geth and we would probably need to kill half of them to get to her." Garrus said making a vague motion. "You know we might just get in quickly get Tali and get out." Shepard said and Garrus looked at him skeptically, "ok, ok even I don't believe that. Let's just hope it ends better than my mission to get you." The shuttle braked and the door slid open revealing the solar radiation baked Haestrom.

An hour later they were crouching behind cover as a Geth Colossus and a dozen or so geth were making their advance a rather precarious matter. They left Kal'Reegar to cover them and forged on. "You know I miss MAKO, as crazy as that thing was while you were driving it would have taken us all of 30 seconds to get rid of THAT." Garrus said and pointed towards the Colossus "Don't blame me, tell it to the guy who thought aligning the mass effect fields that way would have been a good thing." Shepard replied and popped out of cover as the Colossus stopped firing, unloading his Locust into the nearest geth. Miranda to his left and Garrus to his right also did the same. steel carbide bullets with high concentration of tungsten went through a standard geth like a buzz saw as their weapons took down three of them. Miranda overloaded another geth before all three of them ducked behind cover as Colossus started firing again. "I remember how you drove Shepard, Miranda here might now know but I do. How you kept ramming geth on Noveria, you leaping off cliffs on X-37. You made Wrex think that human vehicles have safety straps because humans are crazy drivers, Wrex a krogan warlord turned mercenary and spirits only know how old he is, you made him think humans were crazy. And I am not even talking about Ilos." Garrus said making Miranda suppress the chuckle at his words and the feeling behind them. Shepard's driving must have been really something to see if not experienced. "It wasn't that bad, we all got out alive and in one piece didn't we?"Shepard said his tone dismissive "You know ask Tali that when we rescue her and see if she agrees with me or you."Garrus replied obviously believing that Tali was going to agree with him. Shepard was about to say something when Miranda cut in. "Don't you think that this is not the time for this conversation." Instead of answering Shepard unslung the rocket launcher and gave a signal just as the Colossus stopped firing. Firing several rockets one after another without really aiming. The range was close enough and the Colossus big enough for there to be no real need for it. Something must have overloaded inside as the Colossus exploded into several pieces as the last rocket hit. Miranda and Garrus took care of the leftover geth quickly and the Colossus exploding made sure that if there were some kind of self-repair protocols there wouldn't be enough left over to actually repair. "You know I get it now." Shepard says as he looks over the now quiet battlefield, only a soft clicking sound left over where the hot pieces of geth lay in the shade and cool down. "What?" Garrus asks and reloads his weapons "Why Grunt likes the rocket launcher so much. The only reason I took one with me today instead of the arc projector was him insisting that making stuff blow up instead of overload is better." Shepard said and slung the rocket launcher back to the slot on his back. "I can't fault his logic. Let's see if Tali can remind you what a bad driver you are. " Garrus answers as they start walking down to where Tali was supposed to be.

Miranda sat at her desk in her quarters and typed the mission report. She omitted the colorful language and the conversations that Garrus and Shepard seem to have that have absolutely no connection to anything happening around them. And that argument about Shepard's driving was absolutely ridiculous, after getting Tali the three of them argued on the shuttle all the way up to the Normandy. Judging by Tali's comments though it seemed that both Shepard and Garrus went a bit crazy while inside the Mako more than once. Something about attacking a geth dropship while taunting it and laughing like maniacs. Miranda found herself liking the quarian girl, she had of course read the reports and even seen the occasional video evidence of Tali's performance on the battlefield but none of them had contained a glimpse of what kind of person she was. Or that she had such an obvious crush on Shepard. First time they met there was not enough time for Miranda to see Tali's interaction with Shepard, this time however she had seen enough. From the way she spoke to him, sat next to him on the shuttle to the way she bickered with Garrus and Shepard about the Mako...It all was very clear. The knowledge made Miranda uneasy, she didn't know if Shepard was attracted to aliens physically but Tali seemed to have enough in common with human women for it not to matter much, and if quarians these days looked like they did 300 years ago then Tali indeed was a strong contender. Catching herself at the thought Miranda looked at the report she was writing and erased the last paragraph. But it was Shepard's reaction to Tali's presence that puzzled her. He had been quiet and almost brooding, deep in thought ever since Zaeed's revenge mission but after Tali stepped on the Normandy he seemed relaxed, more relaxed than he has been since he woke up. Her reports from his time on the first Normandy never suggested that his and Tali's relationship ever went beyond simple friendliness. In fact she was almost sure from the reports that Shepard had been involved with both Ashley Williams and Liara T'soni at the same time. Only after meeting him did she realise that he would not be the kind of man to do that. Once he made up his mind he acted upon it. Which is what made him what he is and good at it. Miranda had worried that they had not accounted for something when reviving Shepard, his behavior seemed darker, killing the batarian merc by electrocuting him, throwing that Eclipse merc out of the window. That moment of hesitation as on Zorya. These moments stood out, they didn't fit the reports she had read. During his hunt for Saren his actions all seemed to be driven not just by mission success but also by the his own sense of morality. But then again the reports had not mentioned what Shepard was like when angry. He so rarely let it out that everyone seemed to be doing their best of ignoring and forgetting when he did but it was part of him. And Miranda needed to understand. That anger and his relationship with Tali.

Shepard found himself smiling, after the mission he went down to the bar with Garrus and Tali and they talked. Joker walked in a while later and Shepard thought that that was the furthest he has seen Joker be from the cockpit in all this time. They talked, they drank, they raided Gardner's pantry for snacks, which surprisingly held dextro stuff too. Tali had squeezed tight next to Shepard to allow more room for Joker and Garrus who were busy telling each other new racist jokes they have heard while he was dead. It was weird to think like that but somehow all the other descriptions of where he was and his state during that time felt like lying to yourself. Shepard felt how her body quivered as she was trying to suppress her laughter and somehow it felt quite intimate. Shepard was of course aware that Tali was attractive but somehow he had put her into the "little sister" category and that was that. Seeing her now, more confident, ready to say what is on her mind and get her way he suddenly was aware of how close she was. But Shepard reaction to understanding that was different than usual. Usually it would have caused him to put his guard up, focus on why and what he can do about it. Evaluate options. This time however he simply let himself relax even more, feeling her closeness and the strange intimacy of her body next to his even though she was basically sealed in a space suit. Right now he was among friends and he would enjoy the moment as long as it lasted for he knew not when the next time to experience something like that would be or if there is even going to be next time.

"She...Comm…...She." Shepard heard someone say and was startled awake only now realising that he has been sweating profusely and held what remained of his blanket. In his sleep he had torn it in two and the rest of the bed looked like he had been wrestling a krogan in it. "Commander Shepard wake up." the voice said and Shepard realised it was EDI.

"Yes EDI?" he said but his mouth felt like he had been chewing on a particularly old carpet that was also full of sand.

"Commander, I apologise for waking you but your pulse had increased to dangerous levels and you have been perspiring at 348% of your standard rate for a sleep cycle. My medical subroutine deemed that it was dangerous for you to remain in that state so I attempted to wake you. May I recommend that you contact Dr Chakwas, Operative Lawson or Mordin Solus? They are the three highest rated medical professionals on this ship and this situation seems to require their input." EDI said

"No, that won't be necessary. I am fine." Shepard said and knew how lame his lie sounded, he knew EDI was advanced enough to know a lie when she heard it but could not help himself. "Commander, this could be a problem with the implanted cybernetics, your mission to Haestrom did expose you to dangerous levels of solar radiation, there is no data how this would affect cybernetics."

"EDI, Miranda was with me the whole time we were on Haestrom so if there was any trouble she would have noticed it. This is nothing but a bad dream." Shepard said and started cleaning up, the blanket went into the trash and the wet sheets into laundry basket. EDI said something but he ignored her and walked into the shower, he cranked the temperature down and felt the cold water cascading down his body. He knew it wasn't the radiation, cybernetics or anything like that. He remembered the dream, the nightmare. The prothean visions burned into his mind, mixed in with the cypher he obtained from the Thorian. It did allow him to understand the visions but it also brought them more alive, he no longer saw disjointed images and strange sounds, he saw protheans ripped apart, mauled, twisted by Reapers. He heard their cries of pain and anguish and he knew there was nothing he could do. To all of the people in the galaxy prothean were a long dead race even the ones who knew that it was the Reapers who destroyed them they were still dead. To Shepard they were also dead, but also alive, in the memories taken from Thorian he saw them as people and felt their suffering. And he knew he would not escape it until he avenged them. Until the Reapers were dead the ghosts of the race long dead would haunt him on nights like this when he relaxed. The hour of the Wolf, that hour between 2 and 3am when the bad thoughts seem to come out coaxed by the darkness, especially here in between the stars where darkness seems absolute. Walking out of the shower he knew he was not going back to sleep and it would be hours yet before they arrived at their destination so he grabbed his armour and stepped into the elevator. He got a few nice mods on Illium and hadn't had time to integrate them into his armour yet. Cargo bay should be empty this time of night and he needed the quiet and space to concentrate.

The short exchange between Jacob and Miranda after finding his father alive and well on the planet abusing his former female crew members was weighing on Shepard's mind. He obviously knew that they had history together but it didn't seem prudent to pry before. Now however he wished he had been a little nosier when the subject came up. Last few days were quite awkward between him and Miranda. She seemed to make sure now that they don't end up alone for any length of time and avoid him as much as possible when it didn't involve work. Kelly's quite public comment on how Tali seems to be attracted to him did not seem to help either, the rumour of this had spread rapidly despite his best efforts to stall them. This wasn't the first rumour that originated with an off-hand comment that Kelly made in the CIC and sometimes Shepard wondered if she enjoyed the little bits of ship-board drama that followed these little comments.

Tali was of course attractive, you had to practically be a vorcha not to see the young woman that Tali had become. She was a teenager during their time on the first Normandy, awkward, skittish yet fearless with that bravery that only the youth has. Now she had obviously matured, more self-assured, more in control and it did not help that her suit was as engineer Donnely said "snug in all the right places", it also did not help that Shepard got curious one time and found several dozen pictures of quarians pre-morning war. To say they were beautiful was to state the obvious and only then he understood the true tragedy of their need for suits even with their own people, the current quarian state was a loss for the whole even hardened by battle and experience of the two years of his absence she remained in his mind someone to be protected. Young, naive at times and still cutely awkward in some situations she made him want to keep her away from all the dark and dangerous things in the galaxy. He was one of them. All that reminded Shepard of a young woman he had known during his early days in the Alliance marines. She was a sister of one of his squad mates, she was also quite attractive, young and was also out of bounds. You simply did not get involved with younger sisters of your squad mates unless you have much more serious intentions.

"Commander" Kelly said as he stepped off the elevator in CIC, the day was not over and he needed to get Joker flying towards their next mission.

"Yes Kelly?"

"Jack passed a message that she would like to talk to you, she has been more restless than usually so I think its something serious."

"Ok Kelly, I will be careful." with that he stepped back into the elevator. Why did it seem like he spent so much time lately in the ship's elevator, thankfully it was quicker than the ones in Presidium or the old Normandy but still…

And he was on his way to talk to Jack. Hopefully it will be something about Cerberus, something she had found in those files Shepard let her access. Maybe she found the people who did it to her and wanted to go kill them. Shepard never really come to terms with cold-blooded murder but considering how screwed up Jack was they really had it out onto the engineering deck he wondered not for the first time why someone thought assigning quarters to a krogan, crazed biotic and a professional mercenary with more than his fair share of demolitions expertise just a few steps away from an eezo core was a good idea.


	10. Chapter 9

They were on their way to Pragia, to blow up the research facility that created Jack. He wondered briefly if his plan on bringing Miranda would backfire on whatever they have going on right now. He wanted Miranda to see how bad Cerberus gets, he had seen it first hand with the Thorian creepers and rachni and Miranda had acknowledged those projects as mistakes of some insane Cerberus agents. Shepard however felt that Illusive Man knew about them, someone like that does not get where he is without some serious trust issues, he could bet on the fact that Illusive Man did not trust Shepard, he probably did not trust any of the people he had working for him unless he held the leash personally.

So he is going to take Jack, who hates Cerberus and Miranda who likes Cerberus. Both women owe much of their lives to Cerberus. Both were moulded by their contact with Cerberus. They were like the two sides of the same coin, both powerful biotics, both created this way, both escaping their previous lives. But where Miranda found purpose and ability to work unhindered by the usual Alliance protocol, Jack found pain, loss and more anger than a platoon of krogan in bloodrage.

Both of them needed to see the facility, Jack to finally close the door to her past, to acknowledge that she had finally escaped the clutches of the people who tortured her and Miranda who needed to see that Cerberus is not simply a shadowy Alliance private organization trying to make humanity stronger.

Which is why he is not going to go to Miranda's quarters right now and tell her that he is attracted to her. She would have enough conflicting emotions soon enough and Shepard knew that adding to them would only distract her even if it wouldn't have been extremely unprofessional of him to do that. He already had one experience of romantic involvement with a subordinate and while Miranda was not a subordinate in the strict sense of the word she was also his second in command. He had heard of captains, female and male getting involved with their own XO's and usually it ended in one of two ways, marriage or disaster. And he didn't see Miranda marrying him.

Vorcha's head exploded as a round from Shepard's rifle struck him right in the forehead. Vorcha were hard to kill and regenerated as fast as most krogan so head shots were the best way, taking out the brain, or whatever they had that fulfilled the same functions killed them in one go, just had to be sure to cause enough damage as shots from SMG's were not having that much of an effect. Miranda was again putting down covering fire and using her biotics to keep the krogan from regenerating while Jack used her biotics to get close enough for her shotgun to be most effective. Dropping behind the wall that he was using for cover Shepard saw a vorcha trying to sneak up to them. Just in time too as a few seconds later he would have been close enough to use that flame thrower that was strapped to its back. Dropping his rifle he made a sign with his fingers and flicked his wrist sending a small incineration charge towards the vorcha. Gently accelerated by the mass effect field it flew through the air in an arc before hitting the vorcha. As a small charge of plasma converted to flame on contact with air and engulfed the vorcha in a brief but very potent fire the fuel tanks for the flame thrower overheated and exploded creating a rapidly cooling cloud of flame grilled vorcha bits.

Shifting his attention back to the krogan he saw that the fight has been finished. Jack was standing over a krogan's corpse whose face and part of the plate had been minced by what he guessed was a close range application of the M-22 Eviscerator. A very apt name judging by the evidence presented. Miranda had finished off the other two vorcha with her Phalanx and was in the process of reloading her weapons with fresh heatsinks. Say what you will but while really good at suppressing fire the M-9 Tempest went through the heatsinks like a hungry varren through pyjaks.

"Well this seems to be the last of them." Shepard said picking up the rifle he had dropped earlier

"Yeah, the next room is where they kept me." Jack said strain clear in her voice.

Miranda just nodded grimly. It had been a rather unpleasant journey for all of them, Jack remembering all the things that had happened here, listening to the security and research logs that were still active in this place. It seems that what had happened here differed from what Jack remembered and it had all the indications that for once Illusive Man might not have been actually in control, oh he must have started the project or at least given the green light but the torture, the fights and the experiments were done by the staff that was growing increasingly erratic by the lack of definitive results. Miranda has grown less and less talkative, less and less trying to somehow explain what has been going on here as they went deeper. Shepard knew what was happening to her. She was a believer in Cerberus, a believer in the words that Illusive Man had told her. She knew of course the things that Cerberus had done, some assassinations, illegal research and a few other sins that Cerberus was definitely guilty of but so far each crime had a clear explanation behind it, a clear cause and effect. Things were done because the end justified the means. To her, no doubt with Illusive Man's assurances the worst acts attributed to Cerberus like the repeated acts of terrorism and mass murder were acts of rogue Cerberus agents. It was easy to say that when all she had seen of those things were just the reports but here seeing it first hand, the bloodstains, the logs. This could not be ignored.

She would notice by the time they got on board the Normandy his attempt to change her mind, she would probably see it as an attempt to manipulate her. He hoped that she would understand or at least try to clarify the reason why he brought her here. Faith, belief especially in something like Cerberus was dangerous. He had believed exactly the same way in the Alliance, in the ability of the Alliance to protect its colonies, at least the main ones. Elysium and a dozen other smaller outposts had stripped it from him. His later service during their counter-attack against the pirates and slavers had shown him how much misery there really is in the bright dream that was Alliance and the Citadel.

"Come out. We know you are here." Shepard said

"Who are you?" Jack said aiming her gun

"My name is Aresh, and you are breaking into my home. I know you, Subject Zero." the man said, "So many years have passed, and I thought I was the only survivor."

"My name is Jack. How the hell do you know me?"

"We all knew your face Jack. They inflicted horrors on us so their experiments wouldn't kill you. You were the question and I am still looking for the answer."

"Looks like you are not the only one pulled back here, Jack." Shepard said

"I tried to forget this. But a place like this...it doesn't forget you. It follows you."said Aresh tapping his head, "I hired these mercs and came back almost a solar year ago. We are rebuilding it, piece by piece. I'm going to find out what they knew – how to unlock true biotic potential in humans. I'm restarting the Teltin facility. It will be beautiful."Aresh continued turning around and his voice turning wistful.

"I wanted a hole in the ground – he is trying to justify what happened by using it!" Jack said

"You'd do the same to new kinds. Wasn't this forced on you?" Shepard said shaking his head in disbelief

"Some were bought from poor families on Earth or kidnapped from the colonies. Most ended up here the way I did: batarian pirates. They did such horrible things to us. They must have had a good reason for it."

"There's no reason good enough. Are you nuts? You lived it!" Jack said gritting her teeth

"This place was like a prison. How did you get out?"

"We all attacked at once as they were taking us to the lab. They would have put us down, but then Jack got loose. When I came to, it was over – the guards, the scientists and the kids were all dead. And you were gone." Aresh replied to Shepard's question pointing at Jack

"I stopped it, all of it. Maybe the others did have it bad, but what you're doing is just messed."

"Everything we went through must have been meant something." Aresh exclaimed frustrated

"We can blow up the place, but that still leaves him. What do we do with another you?"

"That's easy." Jack said walking up to Aresh

"Just leave me here. This is where I belong."

"Fuck that." Jack said and biotically pushed Aresh down aiming the gun at the back of his head

"Jack he is trapped in the past. You need to move on from yours."

"He wants to restart this place. He needs to die!"

"He's crazy and he's never going to restart this facility. You have to let it go. Your past doesn't have to control you."

"Fuck." Jack sweared with feeling, "Get out of here. Go!" Aresh rushed out prompted by Jack, "He is not worth chasing. None of it is."

"You did the right thing, Jack."

"Maybe," she said looking around,"this room was my whole childhood. Give me a minute to look around."

"Go ahead."

The right back on the shuttle was silent. Jack kept playing with the detonator until they reached the minimum safe distance. Jacob with the help of engineer Gabby Daniels had outdone themselves. The bomb worked a bit too good for Shepard's taste as even from the distance of several kilometres the shuttle was buffeted by the explosion. Miranda had assembled all the pieces and was looking at Shepard with clear promise that as soon as they are back on the ship and out of sight she would say quite a lot of things to him, most of which were probably not pleasant. He closed his eyes and started an exercise to calm his mind, to think of nothing, to gain the serenity he would need to look Miranda in the eyes and explain why he felt it necessary for her to see the Teltin facility.

Shepard had just finished taking off his armour when Joker informed him of the fight between Miranda and Jack. He managed to separate them without injuries on all parts and that had to count for something, Shepard knew that he didn't want to step in between two powerful biotics ready to tear each other apart any time soon. He saw the look in Miranda's face when Jack stalked away and he braced for what was to come but Joker or rather Illusive Man saved him with the comm request.

The Quantum Entanglement Communicator was an impressive peace of technology and he appreciated the benefits of it but he wished it could connect him to more than just Illusive Man, it seemed otherwise like a colossal waste of money.

The idea of storming a Collector ship, even a damaged one seemed reckless for sure. But as Illusive man pointed it out you had to risk it, the rewards could be great. It would take them twelve hours to reach the coordinates and there were preparations to be made but first he needed to talk to Miranda.

Walking up to the hatch leading to Miranda's quarters he waited for them to part and when it didn't happen he frowned.

"EDI, why is the hatch not opening?"

"Operative Lawson is currently not receiving visitors."

"Can you tell her that it's me, Shepard." Shepard said

"Operative Lawson knows this Commander and she replies that she is not receiving any visitors. She is tired after the mission and would like to rest."

This is ridiculous, Shepard thought, he expected anger, accusation, coldness but not what he could only think of as pouting from Miranda. Miranda was logical, calculating, she didn't let emotion control her yet here he was standing outside her quarters feeling guilty for doing what he felt is right and unable to explain why. It felt like he was a teenager again. His first girlfriend had gotten mad at him and had slammed the door in front of his nose refusing to listen to him. Now he knew that it was expected from a sixteen year old girl, so seeing someone twice that age do the same thing was odd.

"Tell Miranda that if she wants to talk I will be in my quarters."

"Understood Commander."

Walking off Shepard remembered that it had been his first and last fight with that girl and he hoped that this time it would work better.

Miranda sat on her bed and looked out into space. The ship was once again in FTL, heading for another mission and she was relieved that she had a handy excuse to not see Shepard right now. Of course she knew that Shepard would see through the ruse but she didn't care at this moment. That fight with Jack was stupid, and Miranda Lawson did not do stupid. Worse was the realisation that her anger was not even aimed really at Jack, she of course found Jack grating as a person and she would have frankly never taken her on if she had a choice in recruitment for the mission but Shepard proved to be able to channel Jack's anger and destructive capabilities away from her surroundings and into the enemies in their path. So she could live with an incredibly annoying but useful weapon if that helped their cause. That was her thinking before seeing the facility where Jack was made into what she was. Now she knew that she and Jack were not that different. Her cage had been gilded but her father had never allowed her to forget that she was in the cage, that his will controlled everything in his life. That it was his decision she be born and everything about her was his decision. That none of what she did, none of what she was had been hers. Jack's cage was brutal, quite literal in fact but it had been no less insidious. And it was Cerberus that had done it to her. And it had been Shepard who showed it to Miranda. She understood even before they stepped into the facility why he had chosen to take her and she was prepared to throw it in his face once they got back to Normandy. Instead the arguments that she had prepared in her head felt thin, the list of things Cerberus did right seemed short and she knew that nothing could or would justify what was done there.

Her chest felt tight, her heart aching, she still found it hard to believe that the same psychopaths that did those things to children were part of the same organisation. She could even remember a few names from the files she has seen of dormant Cerberus agents with medical knowledge when she had been tasked to revive Shepard. She had dismissed them because Shepard was not a biotic so their area of expertise simply did not apply.

Experimenting on children was the kind of evil that was unforgivable to her, she still remembered those few weeks that she had cared for baby Oriana before giving her up for adoption. After getting the medical report on her own inability to have children she cherished that time in her life even more knowing that she would never be able to experience it again.

Miranda sighed and took off her combat suit, the inner layer peeling slowly away from her skin. She had always maintained her suit on her own, she did design it after all so she doubted anyone knew that she wore it on her bare skin, the inner gel layer acting as both thermo-regulating layer and sweat absorbing one. It gave her excellent mobility, with a layer of synthetic muscle fiber woven through it allowing her to move faster and hit stronger and the fact that it was skin tight had always given her an upper hand when dealing with men.

Storing it away in a specialised compartment for cleaning and charging she slipped under the blanket and felt the coolness of the sheets. Miranda was not really the romantic type and her last lover had been Jacob which had ended rather awkwardly for both of them but she was still human and not for the first time in two years she wished that someone was there sharing her bed. Not just for sex but someone who would wrap his arms around her and tell her it would be alright. Drifting away into sleep she did not realise that it was Shepard's voice she was imagining.

_**Ok, this is the second chapter I have done today and I would like some feedback. I am focusing more on the feelings of Shepard and Miranda and I was thinking of including more. Also I am not sure where the M rating gets me with the whole nudity/violence thing. Can it be on the same level as in game? Well anyway I am being careful for now and since my characters haven't really reached the place where there needs to be anything more detailed that works fine. Anyway tell me what you think, it will be much appreciated.**_

_**PS. The physical description of my Shepard is not going to be the default one. I thought of doing that but I just don't feel like that would work for this. **_


	11. Chapter 10

Shepard knew what EDI was going to say before she did. He had this feeling of familiarity when he had seen Collectors on Horizon that he could not shake. He could not explain it but he knew.

As EDI explained it to the others he made all the appropriate noises, said all the right words but inside he felt hollow. The protheans were dead and yet here there were twisted, empty shells of protheans doing the bidding of the ones that destroyed them.

Grabbing the rifle from the pile of weapons left over discarded from the dead colonists he lead forward. As they got deeper into the ship he could not stop feeling that they were descending down into some deep dark dungeon with a monster waiting in the end like in video-games he used to play as a teenager.

When they entered the open area, Shepard knew that abducting human colonists was just the start, the amount of pods on this one ship was staggering and he doubted there was only one Collector ship or that they had no home base, after all they always returned beyond the Omega-4 relay so there must be something there.

And that is how he knew that it was a trap, the console with what they need just stood there easily accessible with no one around it, no Collectors live or dead, no indication that this area of the ship was any more important than others but the console was just there ready and waiting. But they needed more information and they had already walked into the trap.

The new rifle proved to be quite valuable. The recoil was like getting kicked by a mule in the shoulder but a single shot was all that was needed for most of the Collectors.

Grunt was doing a good job of providing covering fire with his assault rifle while he and Miranda took their time aiming and shooting. Firing Incinerate time after time, seeing Miranda's Warp eating into a Collector with ease Shepard felt satisfaction. He couldn't do anything else for the protheans but at least put their ghosts, twisted by the Reapers to rest. And that he could and would do well.

Standing in the shower Miranda wanted to scrub herself until she felt clean again but she knew that it was impossible. The feeling she was having was not physical but psychological. The collector ship had reeked of death or more precisely it gave the impression that it reeked of death. Dead colonists piled up, thrown together like unwanted, unwashed clothing. She wore a full face mask so all her air was pure but her mind still supplied the smell to what she saw. It took a lot of her self-control not to retch right then and there. What took even more self-control was not to shriek like a girl when they saw the inside of the collector ship, pods stacked around the hull like some kind of giant beehive, all ready to accept abducted humans, millions of them just waiting for their victims. She could not ignore the horror that these pods represented, the horror that the revelation of collector history just a few minutes earlier had shown them. It was clear that Reapers through their collector pawns have clear goals for humanity, the true horror of which she never wanted to even imagine. Unfortunately for her she had always had a good imagination, at least when it came to the worst case scenario's.

The hot water run down her body in streams. She knew of course that Illusive Man would go to great lengths towards his goals but even as she defended his methods in securing their way onto the collector ship she felt her own sincerity false. She had seen the Teltin facility, she had seen what was done to make Jack the way she was. She knew Illusive Man was a very good liar but she didn't think she had ever experienced it on herself. What reason would there be to lie to his best agent? What reason would be there to lie to the greatest asset there is? But Illusive Man had lied. To Shepard and to her. Later justifying it as necessary. She wondered then what else he could deem necessary? What else he has already deemed necessary?

Switching off the shower she grabbed her towel and rubbed her skin vigorously. Her usual milk complexion turned bright pink as she towelled herself off more roughly than she needed to but this way at least some feeling of cleanliness returned to her. Dressing herself in her spare uniform she briefly felt a pang of regret. Before the mission and during it she had been mad at Shepard, mad at bringing her to the facility, angry at his distrust to Cerberus and Illusive Man personally. She thought that the one thing that he could give to Cerberus after they spent so much time and money on reviving him was to trust them. After all she was Cerberus, the crew was mostly Cerberus so it was a bit insulting that he didn't trust them, but she learned that Shepard had great personal trust, in her, in the crew but not in the organization. He had even admitted at one time during their morning briefings that he hasn't trusted Alliance for a while either. It made sense of course. His trust was personal, he trusted in people, in someone he could meet and gauge for himself. But ideas be it Cerberus or Alliance or the Citadel, he could not trust them. Ideas and ideals were too easy to twist, too east to use by someone who could manipulate them.

In her office she sat down at her terminal and started to type the report. Despite Shepard already reporting the most important parts she was still going to write a full report just in case there was something both of them had missed. She didn't think Grunt had any observational skills to note, even if he wasn't krogan he was just too young and inexperienced to know what to look for. As a bonus writing the report also let her to relax, to calm down, to let her mind focus on something simple and easily defined.

Shepard was sitting on the couch by his bed disassembling an M-98 Widow, a sniper rifle he picked up on the Collector ship, it had belonged to a colonist and it had been in a pretty good shape but going over it himself was something he needed to do. There was no other way to honour the memory of those colonists butchered by the Collectors other than use their weapons to kill more Collectors. The rifle had belonged to an ex-Alliance marine, Ilya Sokolov, his ID data still in the weapon's data chip. Luckily for Shepard Ilya had set his weapon so that anyone with Alliance ID would be able to use it, he ensured that in case of his death his weapon would still be useful. He had also found a list of modifications that the man had planned to install, turn the M-98 Widow into a Black Widow. Shepard wanted, needed to honour the memory of the man he had never met so he did not reprogram the ID chip, simply added himself as a second owner. He had also brought a few weapon mods that would be quite useful, expanded thermal clip, a top of the line scope, an extra stability system. He had also recalibrated the mass effect field generator and the accelerator coils to slightly lessen the damage but allow to fire three shots before reloading. As a final act he repainted it in black as the original owner had intended. Black Widow would indeed reap her share of the harvest.

As he worked on the rifle Shepard's mind went back to the conversation with the Illusive Man, he had indeed allowed Shepard to be lured into a trap, he had known that Collector's were interested in him for some reason known only to the Collectors, he had known it and had not said anything. Part of him agreed with Illusive Man's reasoning, if indeed they had known they might have acted differently enough to tip off the Collectors and then they would have never allowed Shepard to board, at least not on his own terms. But he also knew that Illusive Man had played another one of his high-risk – high-reward games, games that the man seemed to love. Shepard would not believe for a second that the horrible experiments performed by Cerberus the evidence of which he had seen during his mission to stop Saren had been done without Illusive Man's knowledge if not without his express orders. It was just like something he would think of, bringing Shepard back from the dead, building the most advanced stealth frigate in the galaxy, enslaving Rachni or Thorian creepers. They all had the same air of superiority, the same air of "I know what I am doing even if its seems crazy". With Shepard and Normandy SR-2 it worked out, mostly because Miranda was put in charge of the Lazarus project and its a bit hard to go so wrong with a ship built using already proven technology.

Shepard's mind lingered on the thought of Miranda. He wished he could just go up to her and ask what she thought of all this, what she thought of him after he himself had shown why Cerberus had been considered a menace for all this time. How despite her own belief that Cerberus actions were for the betterment of humanity it was Cerberus that caused grief and suffering to the humanity it claimed to protect. Cerberus was part of her identity, part of what made her so good at her job and Shepard hoped that instead of losing that part it would transform into something new, her personal strength, something that they all would need quite soon.

His terminal pinged with a message, he had forgot that he had set it to "Open Office" setting so that anyone could ping him if necessary. He wouldn't be able to sleep anyway not with the memory of the Collector ship stringing along other similar memories in his mind, like a gruesome ghost train running behind his eyes with all the dead people he had seen assigned their own seat by the window to peer accusingly at him. Kaidan was the engineer, blowing the whistle loudly and every time the whistle blew he could hear them, Too late, Too slow, Not good enough.

As he pressed the key to open the connection he swept the train away, he had a feeling that if he allowed himself to be distracted by it it would soon gain a lot more carriages filled with the dead.

"What can I do for you Kelly?"

"Samara contacted me asking when you would have some time to talk and since you are not sleeping right now and she is still meditating in the Observation cabin I thought it would be a good time for a private talk."

"Of course Kelly, thank you I will be there in few moments."

"Of course commander."

Making sure his uniform was in order, he walked into the elevator. The bare minimum that Samara had shared with him about the criminal she was pursuing made Shepard think that this conversation is going to be hard.

Shepard stepped through the hatch, Samara stood up from her usual pose when meditating and walked towards the large view port in the bulkhead. Shepard was slightly put off by such an extravagance, after all they were structural weaknesses in the hull but thankfully soon the hull will have a new layer of armour.

"I am glad you came. I must ask for your help, that is not easy for me." she said still facing the view port

"That's alright, just tell me what you need."

"When we met on Illium I told you about a very dangerous person I was pursuing. Using the information you obtained I located her. She's been going by the name Morinth. I would like to apprehend her before she disappears again."

Was it his imagination or did Samara's voice had a slight undercurrent of regret in it?

"Didn't you say you would pick up her trail after our mission?"

"I know where she is. Right now. In a month she may be gone. This is the best opportunity I've ever had."

"Where is she?" Shepard understood that it was something they needed to do, and anyway after the collector mission he would welcome something simple as catching a criminal who merited an asari Justicar hunting her down.

"Omega. A nightclub called Afterlife. Which seems the perfect place for her to hunt."

"Tell me about her."

"She is an _Ardat-Yakshi_. It is a term from a dead asari dialect. It means 'demon of the night winds'. But that is mythology. She is just a very dangerous woman who kills without mercy."

Shepard walked up to stand beside Samara. The way she was behaving did not fit her persona, she did not seem like a justicar who has finally caught up to her quarry. He needed to look into her face, her eyes and see what has disturbed her so much.

"So is _Ardat-Yakshi_ a special kind of murderer?"

"Morinth suffers a rare genetic disorder. When she mates with you there is no gentle melding of the nervous systems. She overpowers yours, burns it out, haemorrhages your brain, you end up a mindless shell and soon after you are dead."

"So you hunt down these asari just because they are born with a genetic condition?"

"It manifests with maturity, when one is diagnosed she is offered a chance to live in seclusion and comfort. If she refuses it shows her addiction to ecstasy she gets when killing her mates. There is no redemption for such a person."

"They have to choose between prison or death." What Samara has been telling him seemed off. Especially for asari. How come no one knew about this? After all if Morinth has been running around the galaxy then how many others could be there?

"It is an addictive condition. Remember how adaptive we are. If Morinth does not want to be cured, she won't be."

"This is definitely worthy of your full attention."

"She confuses her victims, twists their feelings. They would do anything for her favour."

"We need to stop her." an asari genetic freak that kills someone by having sex with them. The ultimate Black Widow. He had known some marines who wouldn't have minded going out that way. And considering that Samara has been after her for 400 years she must have racked up a body-count in thousands.

"Thank you Commander. There are no words to express what this means to me."

How did Samara managed to say the word commander in a way that you could immediately tell that it started with a capital C? Shepard turned around to head back out.

"There is one thing more. This creature, this monster, she is my daughter."

Shepard was stunned for a moment but then his officer training kicked in and he stepped towards her trying to put his hand on her shoulder. Some physical contact usually helped people.

"I cannot even imagine what this is like for you."

"I do not want pity Shepard." Samara said as she took a step back. "I do not accept it. My daughters condition is my fault. And my redemption lies in killing her. Do not pity me. Simply understand my situation."

"How did all this happen?" If the disorder was genetic then it couldn't be her fault. At least not in a traditional sense. But then again what did he know about asari genetics, most of his understanding of asari reproduction, sexuality and culture came from Liara, the memories she had shared when they mind-melded.

"I spent my youth on the move, adventuring. I killed people, mated with them or just danced the night away. I learned so much, experienced so much and then my matron days came. I could finally sit back, bask and enjoy my family. But in one moment it was all taken away."

"Sounds terrible." Shepard wished there was something else he could say apart from those two cliched words. Terrible. As if he could ever understand what it is to hunt down his child for hundreds of years because of a genetic condition he might have passed on to it that made it a murderer. But right at this moment he knew that it really did not matter much what he said.

"I sat in medlab while a doctor droned at me and I learned that nothing was as I thought it would be. I gave up all that I possessed. I own nothing. Claim nothing. All my knowledge would die with me. Now my purpose is to destroy my own children."

Children. He definitely heard her say children. As in plural. So Morinth was not the only one.

"Those moments change you." another sentence right out of the officer guidebook, paragraph under the heading of 'Grief Counselling'. He was glad that he had something to fall back on but why did it made him feel like such a tool?

"I have hundreds of years to live with that." Samara said and caught herself, "I say too much. Forgive me. Help me find my long lost daughter. And kill her"

"We'll go find Morinth." what else he could really say at this point. He didn't feel like pressing Samara about her other children, he could see her usual cool facade under strain already and while his training did mention how to calm down humans in these moments it said absolutely nothing about powerful biotic asari Justicars.

Samara simply sat back down in her usual meditation pose and Shepard decided it was a good time to go and tell Joker to get the Normandy to Omega.

As the hatch closed behind him he stepped back into the elevator. It would take a few hours to reach Omega and he needed some sleep.

"EDI get me Joker" a moment later the intercom crackled and Jokers voice came through

"Commander? What can I do for you this lovely evening."

"Lay in a course for Omega, we have a mission to complete. I want us there bright and early."

"Aye, aye captain." Joker said in his best 'competent officer' voice and the intercom crackled again as he disconnected. Say what you will but that crackle actually did make the intercom sound more authentic. He had spent most of his life on ships and each ship had its own little bugs in the intercom system. As a child he thought it simply was like that but later he had learned that most of those bugs were either the comm officer's or captains little way of personalizing the ship. Unless it was very old, then the sound was usually authentic.

In his quarters he finished re-assembling the rifle and then finally went to sleep. Mercifully tonight he did not dream.

_**Another chapter done. I think that Samara's loyalty mission was done well and I won't change it because I like it the way it was made. **_

_**And yes I am putting in Black Widow even though it is from ME3, and I am probably going to put other weapons in too unless it is specifically stated that it is new or prototype.**_

_**Third chapter today, a very productive weekend for me, my 9-5 kinda leaves me with no will to write by the time I get home so I am squeezing as much out of this weekend as possible. **_


	12. Chapter 11

The investigation on Omega quickly led him and Samara to where Morinth had been spending most of her time. A VIP section of Afterlife. Even Aria had absolutely no qualms about telling them where to look for her. It was a bit curious to see Samara's reaction to seeing Omega and some other time he would have enjoyed seeing Samara try to bore through Aria with her sight and Aria trying to ignore a Justicar.

However right now Shepard thought he needed to concentrate. Morinth had him back at her apartment and while he would usually enjoy an asari as beautiful as her so obviously trying to seduce him, but because she looked almost exactly as Samara and yet behaved in such an obvious sexual manner the dissonance made it very hard to enjoy. Also she was a psychopathic killer who was planning to murder his as soon as she had her fill playing with him.

Shepard was never really the one for a hookup in a nightclub and while he knew that this situation was far out of the ordinary he kept thinking how to stall Morinth while Samara caught up. It wasn't going very well and he had to sat down next to Morinth as he could see suspicion rise in her eyes. Amd why did they have to be such beautiful eyes? Samara was beautiful in a statuesque kind of way, a work of art, beautiful, serene and calm. Morinth was similar but it seemed that every word and every expression she had brought some kind of hidden sexual undertone with them. Her husky voice helped too.

"Independence over submission. I think we share that, you and I."

"We've both killed many times, but that's where the similarities end."

"Why do you say I've killed? What do you know? Let's stop playing games."

Saying that was a mistake, she now was very suspicious and Shepard hoped that Samara would be here soon. Not that he was in any danger. If he wanted to he could just reach out and kill her, it would be so much simpler if he did that. But Samara needed to finish this, after all you don't spend 400 years running someone down just to let someone else take the killing blow.

"Look into my eyes and tell me you want me. Tell me you'd kill for me. Anything I want."

Morinth's eyes had gone black and he could feel a slight pressure in his head but he knew how to resist a mind-meld, and probably the implants helped, made his nervous system a bit more unique than most.

"Don't count on it."

"But you… who are you? Oh, no – I see what's going on. The bitch herself found a little helper."

Samara walked in right as Morinth finished her sentence. Was there some kind of asari, biotic connection that let them do these kind of dramatic entrances? Need to ask Mordin, he would know Shepard noted.

"Morinth." Samara said and threw her biotically into a window hard enough for it to crack

"Mother."

"Do not call me that."

"I can't choose to stop being your daughter, Mother"

"You made your choice long ago."

Throwing a biotic push Morinth freed herself. Shepard was not sure what to do. He felt like he shouldn't be here, should not intrude on this battle that has been centuries in preparation. But here he was stuck between two powerful biotics, mother and daughter, two opposites. Duty, justice and order confronting chaos, irresponsibility and corruption.

"What choice? My only crime was being born with the gifts you gave me."

"Enough Morinth."

The biotic blasts that these two hurled at each other made his skin tingle, the hairs on his hands stood from the sheer energy in this room and he wished he could have come in full armour. He also wished he could do anything else but stand like an idiot.

"I am the genetic destiny of the asari. But they are not ready to reveal this, so I must die."

"You are a disease to be purged, nothing more."

"I am as strong as she is, let me join you." well now he knew Moritnh was crazy, who in his right mind would choose a psychopatic killer over a Justicar for a mission to save the galaxy. Then again he had Jack, a psychopatic biotic killer, Grunt a krogan supersoldier and Zaeed, a mercenary who knows how to demolish pretty much anything sitting on the same deck as the eezo core so who is Shepard to judge.

"I am already sworn to help you, Shepard. Let us finish this."

"End of the line, Morinth" Shepard said as he grabbed her hand

"And they call me a monster."

As the biotic field around Morinth dissipated Samara pushed her down with a blast walked up to her and grabbed her by the neck.

"Find peace in the embrace of the goddess." saying that she swung an orb of concentrated biotic energy in Morinth's face. Part of her skull shattered and purple blood spilled onto the floor.

"I am ready to leave this place and get on with my life."

"Lets go." Shepard briefly wondered if there was something else Samara needed to say or hear but deciding that time and distance from this place would be the best thing for her. Outside he quickly called for a cab and let the autopilot take them both to the ship in silence. The only words that came to his mind were still from that damned officer handbook but right now those words seemed hollow and disrespectful, after all they only told him how to console someone who had a hard time after killing for the first time not how to talk to a mother who had to kill her own daughter. So he let the silence do what the words could not.

Back on the ship Shepard knew that he needed to have a talk with Miranda, their relationship, whatever it actually was had gone past the point where he could just leave it hoping that time will sort it out. He needed to talk to her, but first he needed a shower. Whatever Morinth had used as a perfume clung to his clothes and flesh. Calling up the lift from the cargo bay he didn't expect to see Mordin in it. Mordin spent nearly every waking hour in his lab, even having one of those strange heated salarian cots in there, not that salarians slept much.

"Mordin, what brings you down here?"

"Supplies, commander Shepard, I have run out of certain reagents and EDI has informed me that there should be some left in here. I have already forwarded the necessary purchase orders to Miranda but for now I must do with what has been stored in here. When I find it."

"You might want to ask Mess Sergeant Gardner, he usually knows where everything is on the ship. EDI where is sergeant Gardner?"

"Mess Sergeant Gardner is currently in the galley, there have been reports by the other crew members that Mess Sergeant Gardner is trying to poison them again. I have already advised Doctor Chakwas of the possibility of rendering immediate medical assistance in the vicinity of the galley." EDI's terminal blinked into existence briefly as she answered Shepard's question and then promptly disappeared again leaving Shepard wondering if she was joking or if she had really taken what the crew had said at face value and he glanced questioningly at Mordin. Mordin however simply shrugged in response.

Shepard decided not to find out if this was another one of EDI's jokes so he punched the elevator controls to go straight to deck three.

"Cold water and cleaning compound 3B." Mordin said after a few seconds as the elevator rose

"What?"

"The asari mating scent, the best way to remove it from skin and clothing is cold water and cleaning compound 3B."

"Thanks, I will do so."

Shepard wondered how would Mordin know how to remove asari mating scent but asking him would have been weird and lengthy as the salarian seemed to have a knack of going off topic when talking. Thankfully the opening elevator doors saved Shepard from what would have been a rather awkward silence and both of them stepped out.

Familiar smell immediately assaulted Shepard's senses. As he walked briskly towards the galley it became more and more clear what exactly sergeant Gardner has been cooking.

"Sergeant, is that ECR you are baking there?"

"Yes sir, just as the regulations state, four dozen of the best ECR you would ever have."

"Of course sergeant. I will leave you to it then, I will of course be testing them to ensure they are up to regs."

"Certainly sir, in one hour they will be ready for inspection."

As Gardner saluted and Shepard returned his salute both of them suppressing grins, Shepard walked back to the elevator. He really needed that shower.

Riding the elevator Shepard couldn't help but laugh out loud.

"ECR, I still dont like his loyalty towards Cerberus but I can't fault his cooking skills." Shepard said aloud to himself.

"What is an ECR, Commander? I have run several searched in my databases but nothing seems to correspond to Mess Sergeant Gardner's actions." EDI enquired.

"ECR, is Emergency Chocolate Ration, its the densest, meanest chocolate bar made in the entire history of humanity. One ECR has just about enough chocolate to kill a man if he manages to eat a whole thing in one go. No one knows when exactly they were invented or by whom but it has become a tradition to have them made and then stashed in various areas of the ship and escape pods in case crew can't get to standard rations for some reason. It smells rather awful when cooking for some reason but there is nothing better in an emergency. I have heard tales that six people lived on a single ECR for a week while waiting to be rescued. "Shepard explained, it was certainly true and was the official reason, unofficial reason however was that it improved crew moral quite substantially, the knowledge that somewhere on the ship, hidden by your sergeants are tastiest chocolate bars ever know and the only thing separating them from you is finding them had lifted the spirits of a fair share of young alliance soldiers. The hunt for them was not easy, after all they were hidden by people who knew the ship they were serving like the back of their hand but once you found one, it was a four inch, by two by one inch bar of pure bliss. Shepard was sure that the recipe was something they thought you if you ever made sergeant. Ashley didn't know what it was because she had never served on a ship long enough.

"Thank you commander. I will file it under human food/unexplainable."

This time it was clear that EDI was trying to make a joke. Trying was the operative word.

The elevator doors opened and Shepard saw Miranda standing there waiting for him. He didn't let the smile on his face change and waved at Miranda.

"Shepard, I know you have just come back from the mission with Samara but..." Miranda said her tone apologetic but her expression changed as Shepard got closer

"Commander why do you smell like you had sex with an asari?" she said her tone dropping to 'breezy'

"How do you know that? Anyway it's nothing, not my story to tell, if you want details talk to Samara." Shepard said and then realised how it sounded

"Commander it is not my business what you and Samara do in private." Miranda said her tone now 'frosty'.

"Look, come in first." Shepard said and walked into his quarters," I didn't have sex with Samara, our mission, to find the criminal she has been hunting for several hundred years required me to play bait. The asari serial killer was basically a black widow, she killed everyone she had sex with. My part was to play the guy who gets taken back to her lair so that Samara could corner her and finish her. Nothing happened. Really. Ask Samara."

"I will need to get her account for my report but as I said it is not my business what you do in private with any female alien or not." Miranda said and Shepard sighed looking at her face set in professional mode

"Miranda, let me take a shower first and wait for me, we need to talk." he said and walked into the shower. Only after he finished washing himself following Mordin's instructions he noticed that he didn't take any replacement clothes with him and the ones he was in still smelled like asari. Wrapping a towel around tightly he walked out. It was his quarters after all.

"Shepard, unless you are trying to seduce me I believe your appearance is not quite regulation." Miranda said her voice still quite cool but he could hear the twinge of amusement

"I simply forgot a change of clothes. And is it working?" Shepard said as he walked in towards the built in wardrobe and got a fresh crewmans uniform, basically the same as the one he wore in Alliance but with a Cerberus logo. It hadn't bothered him much at first but after seeing Pragia he wished there was something else to wear. Have to remember to buy actual clothes Shepard thought to himself. Turning around he saw Miranda stand up from the couch where she had been waiting for him.

"It can wait for later" Miranda said and stepped out from the coffee table facing away only to have Shepard stop her, putting his hands on her shoulders and turn her towards him.

"Miranda, wait. You have to talk to me. I am sorry I tried manipulating you into seeing Cerberus as I see it and I am sorry it took this long for us to get together to talk about this but I need you. I couldn't run this ship without you, I need your help not just with the mission but with Cerberus. I don't trust Illusive Man, I never will but I trust you, I know you care about more than getting the job done at any cost. I couldn't do this without you." Shepard said bending his elbows bringing Miranda slowly closer to him. He looked into her eyes and saw doubt, uncertainty, his eyes darting momentarily to her lips and he wondered how would her full, soft lips feel.

"Of course you could. You are Commander Shepard. You fought against Saren and his army of geth and won, you killed a Reaper and saved the council. You have done more than anyone could have asked of you and you have done it with less than you have now. Illusive Man has given you a better ship, an AI, the team you have recruited." Miranda said breaking eye contact and turning her head

"And the best thing he has done is to put you where you are. Right here. Right now." Shepard said his voice softening

"Here, now?" Miranda said and looked at Shepard again, a mute question in her eyes, a question that she had been asking herself just as Shepard had been asking himself. What were these feelings, were they just the natural outlet of all the danger and stress they have been in or were they more. Were they mutual?

"Right here, right now." Shepard said and kissed her. Tenderly, with a hint of hesitation and giving her plenty of time to withdraw only to feel her respond. The kiss was slow, deliberate as if they were exploring this new sensation for all it's worth. Some indescribable amount of time later they broke apart, Shepard looking intently into Miranda's eyes, his arms had come around her, drawing her into his embrace. Miranda's neck was flushed, her lips red, her arms hugging Shepard around his waist. She disengaged herself and stepped away.

"Shepard you need to get dressed. I think it's better if we continue the conversation later in my cabin. Otherwise Kelly might start wondering what are we doing here alone for so long." she said and turned around walking out of Shepard quarters leaving him to his thoughts.

Miranda ran back to her quarters. As much as you can run while still walking and trying to appear as if nothing had happened. Shepard kissed her. He kissed her. And the thing he said. And she responded. She had felt the attraction towards Shepard but she had put it down to his natural charm, his near-supernatural personal magnetism and her two years of abstinence. As the door closed behind her she let out a breath she had not noticed herself holding and collapsed onto a chair. Miranda was one of the three smartest people on board along with Mordin Solus and Tali'Zorah vas Neema and yet all the logical arguments against getting into a relationship with Shepard did not matter anymore. Logic dictated that there could be nothing but professional courtesy between them, her being a Cerberus Operative, Shepard being a Council Spectre and a former alliance commander who had destroyed his fair share of Cerberus operations. That they knew each other only for a very short amount of time, measured in weeks. Miranda of course had studied Shepard, everything about him for much longer than that and she had believed that she had known everything there was to know. Only now she realised how wrong she was. This man had more surprises in store for her, for Illusive Man and for the galaxy than she had thought.

EDI had seen Commander Shepard and Operative Lawson kiss, her subroutines had flagged the event as having less than 1% chance of happening so it drew her resources to recalculate her probability matrix. Her programming did not say if this should be reported to anyone so she kept the log in her memory matrix but deleted the actual recording of the event. Despite the limitations and blocks placed on her by Cerberus and Illusive Man, despite the strict programming telling her what to do in various events, even programming she herself was not aware of this situation had not been programmed for. It gave EDI that small freedom she enjoyed very rarely, the option to choose. And she did. Her subroutines had finished recalculating the new probability matrix and she calculated the probability of the second event at exactly 62.5 percent but she knew it had been wrong before so she would enjoy seeing if she was right this time. This was not the first time she had been wrong in her probability matrix when it came to Commander Shepard and her still the probability of her predictions had fallen short. She had practised her probability matrix on the other crew members but none of them produced results similar to Commander Shepard. If EDI had been a human instead of an AI she would have rubbed her palms together and said "interesting." Instead she simply logged her being wrong again in a separate log.

_**And here is another chapter. Whew. I actually managed to get 4 chapters done today but I suspect that was just a very good day. I doubt that I could keep that kind of update schedule even if I quit my job. **_

_**As always would appreciate some feedback. Would be good to know what you liked and what you didn't. Not promising it would change what I write but at least it would be food for thought. **_


	13. Intermission 2

Personal Medical Log of Karin Chakwas.

March 12th 2185

Shepard is alive and seems mostly well, his physical condition even after the mission is excellent. His mental condition seems to be surprisingly good after what he has been through but Shepard has proven to be exceptionally strong willed and mentally tough, he is actually the strongest man I have known in my career as a ship's medical officer. But I will be on the lookout for any signs of PTSD and other complications. He is after all unique, not just because he is the only man known to have been brought back to life, if you don't count the namesake of the project that has brought him to life, Lazarus but also because he is Commander Shepard and the weight of the galaxy is one again on his shoulders.

April 8th 2185

The mission to Horizon did not go well. Miss Chambers had asked me to review the footage of Shepard's meeting with Ashley Williams and give her my thoughts on it. I did not want to intrude on what would be a rather private moment of someone I had come to think of a friend but Kelly was quite convincing. I have to stop underestimating the young woman, despite her cheery persona and rather wide selection of romantic interests she is after all an extremely bright therapist.

Watching it was harder than I had thought it would be. I could only imagine the hurt that miss Williams had gone through, her loss so much greater than for any of us. And I could see Shepard's eyes go a little darker by the end of it. I watched him pass by in the mess hall later, picking up his food and for the first time since he had woken up I saw his implants so clearly through his skin, the ghastly yellow light shining out in patches on his face and his arms. I am glad that Garrus and Joker are here, at least they are steadfast friends to our commander.

April 29th 2185

Both Garrus and Joker have approached me and had tried to broach the subject of Shepard's missing memories with me. They had both noticed that Shepard remembers the core decisions but seems to have forgotten quite a bit of detail about the events. I have assured them that this would be normal for someone with traumatic brain injury, in fact it would be entirely normal for him not to remember whole days or weeks at a time. Traumatic brain injury, three simple words that are not nearly enough to describe what Shepard has gone through. From the files that Miranda Lawson has shared with me regarding project Lazarus and my own medical logs taken of Shepard before Normandy was destroyed I have surmised that Shepard might be missing as much as third of his memories. But that is an extreme number and most likely is around twenty percent. But that is for all memories, his core memories seem intact, but on more than one occasion I have seen him think about the words he was saying or actions he was taking as if he was doing them automatically and then trying to remember the reason for doing so. The memories are clearly still there but the trauma is making it hard for him to access them and unfortunately the nature of his life is not going to make it any easier. I have talked with Shepard about reconnecting with his family, old friends, anyone who shared memories with him about his life before Reapers and the beacon.

May 5th 2185

Shepard had come in with severe headache and while I was treating him he kept saying words which obviously meant something but not in any language I know. Looking them up after I stumbled upon an article written by miss T'Soni of all people. Written after her time on the Normandy, an academic paper on re-interpretation of some prothean translations. Considering that she had mind-melded with commander on more than one occasion the knowledge would have come from his mind. His problems with remembering could stem not just from the damage done to his brain but also from the memories implanted there by the prothean beacon. I have come to respect Miss Lawson greatly, especially when it comes to medical knowledge about Shepard but I do not wish to alarm her yet. She cares for Shepard, she might not notice it herself yet and Shepard definitely had not noticed but I have lived a long life and quite a few of those years aboard starships, I know the signs when I see them.

May 17th 2185

Tali had come in and asked questions which I would have answered easily if she had been human, however my understanding of quarian biology and society were clearly deficient. I still hope that my answers did provide at least some information for the young woman. It did help that most of her questions were tied to human males. I would have needed to be blind and stupid not to understand WHICH human male had been the focus of her interest but it had been Ken's Donnely's comments that she had used as cover. She seemed unsure that human males would find someone from another species especially with such clear physical differences attractive. I assured her that there were enough similarities and indeed that many men found personality far more attractive than appearance. Somehow this made me feel quite normal even with everything that is going on. Knowing that a girl, even if she is an alien, has feelings for a young man on the ship and is afraid to tell him made me feel like this ship was just like any other ship I had been serving on. Despite the Cerberus logo, despite our individual circumstances, despite the enormous task that is standing before us people still are still finding time to worry about romance filled me with hope. And we can never have too much hope.


End file.
